“You don’t judge a man as successful until you see what he has made of his wife” – Rev. Olusola Areogun

How true is the statement above? And is it also true of women to their husband?

I submit as follows:

To make a wife the woman of your dream, as best as she can be to the honour of God, and to be the best of herself in manner that promotes her personal peace, while ensuring she’s the best mother the children can ever dream of and in it all the woman that fulfil your dream and aspiration for a happy married life, takes a lot. As a matter of fact, it is an almost impossible task for humans if God is not placed at the center of the equilibrium. There are three potential pitfalls here, and failure at any of this slippery points will hinder the fulfillment of this lofty dream.

Yes, a man is never successful and must never be seen as successful until you have seen what he has made of his wife. This is also true for the woman but this statement falls on the man’s shoulder than it does for his wife. Now here are the three key areas of note:

1. The Man Himself

It is true men expect so much from their wives, many of which are not humanly feasible. She’s his angel and expectedly she must be faultless and that too is not realistic. The men in their lives know this, and they also know that she’s not without her weaknesses, that as faultless as her beauty, so are her many weaknesses, at least the Bible call her the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7), that knowlegde is of great price if you allow it to guide you. Men are not in the dark about this fact as well but the thin line that separates her perfect look, especially in the peak of her beauties, from her many inadequacies faded in perfect blending to make her who she is and that get many men confuse.

He wants the best of her and from her but he himself is confuse on what the best really is, most men can’t put in a single statement, what they want out of their wives and the reason is simple, women came out of men, she’s is his better half, if she is the ” better” you, then in her are your weaknesses made strong, if you accept and know your weaknesses, likely you will know your wife strength, because she’s your exact opposite. If she’s your “help meet” (Genesis 2:18) then, she is your help, your strength, suitable for your weak points. The reverse is true for the man to the woman.

Man inability to see and accept his own weaknesses is his primary challenge in seeing and maximising the strength of his wife. Humility is divine, man by nature, will arrogantly walk over his faults while desiring the other person to make up for his lapses. Humility become achievable with progressive walk with God, the farther we are from God, the more self sufficient and arrogant we become. Most men are continually in reverse movement with God, and so are incapable of understanding what the will of God is for them, talkless of making the woman to fit to the same with them under God.

The first route to being a successful husband is an obedient walk into God through the Bible. The more we dislike reading the Bible, the less of God and His will we are exposed to, the less submissive we are to Him and the less spiritual a man is, the more pronounce his inability to understand his wife and make her the woman of his dream. The innate desire of a man outside the control of God is at variance with the will of God for him, for his wife and for his family. The natural man expectations of his wife is weird and unnatural, and expectedly, the woman will rebel against his will and authority. God is the Maker of man, “male and female created He him” (Genesis 1:27). No man can make the best of a woman, as long as himself is in disobedience against the Author and the Architect of the wife he married. You can never love her unless you fall in love first with her Lover and her God.

1. The Woman, His wife.

The Woman is call to “submit yourselves unto your own husbands” and the Man He said, “husbands, love your wives” (Ephesians 5:22, 25). Loving the wife is a daunting work for the man, it is easier to fall headlong with her look, her beauty, her irresistible attractions that propel the God given desire to mate and make love to her but loving and tenderly caring and nurture her, take responsibility, firmness and discipline. She must be loved, corrected when wrong very kindly and firmly. None of this is very easy, and almost impossible unless, she sees in you first your love for her true Lord and Lover. She knows you can’t truly love her if you don’t love her God.

Loving a woman is never easy, that’s why you are commanded to love her. The law is strength, and strength are necessary to overcome weaknesses. It is easy to have romantic feeling for a woman, but to love her is more deeper, and takes a lot of patience and determination, so the need for the command, “husbands, love your wives”, if it were that easy to love, then there won’t be the need for the command. Loving a woman has never been easy. The inner strength and the wise heart to love are gifts from God, from Whom all blessings come (James 1:17).

Just as the man is commanded to love, without any precondition attached, so is the wife to submit with no condition attached. When he’s gentle and loving, she is expected to submit, when he’s froward and difficult, she should submit, in all situations and for all seasons she should submit to her lord as unto the Lord. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord” ( Colossians 3:18). Will that be very easy? No! If it were an easy task, then there won’t have been a need for a command to “submit”. To rebel against the man’s authority, as long as it is within the ambient of grace, is to rebel against His Lord and His God. It is also true no woman can submit willingly to the man, except she first discovered her worth in God and the need to please Him.

To submit to your husband is to please God and do His will. It will never be easy. Submit first to God, then submitting to your husband becomes very easy. For a man to make the best out of his wife, and the best mother for his children, the woman too must have accepted his lordship, his mentorship, his fathership and his leadership. Leaders correct and lead by examples, leaders are love and discipline in action, when and where love is missing and discipline is only in words, rebellion is not far fetch. And as long as the woman is in the rebellion, she can’t be the pride, the joy and the crown of her king (Proverbs 12:4) and his glory (1 Corinthians 11:7). A king without a crown, has no glory, a man deprive of glory is touchy, quarrelsome and command no respect and can never be term successful and desirable.

The success of your husband, is directly proportional to your level of submission to God under him and you can’t stay submissive until your walk with God becomes progressive, cultivating in you the inner beauty of humility and grace which before God is priceless and deserving of great eternal rewards. Make yourself lovable, easy to be entreated, easy to be corrected, be his helpmate, and not his competitor. Don’t strive to beat him to his games, be his peace, be his wisdom but not his ‘mother’, be his weaknesses made strong, be the soft part of him, his adviser but not his boss, be his travel mate in the journey of life but not his compass, be his companion in grace but not his Lord and above all be his woman, the wife of his youth, satisfy his sexual instincts, do that with all the feminine instincts you’ve gotten and be his lover. If you do these, he will adore you.

If you do, you will not only help make him successful, you will have also made his life worthy of being lived, in peace and harmony. And by extension securing a heart full of peace for yourself, for your home and for your children.

1. The environment.

The environment you are exposed to, your friends and those in your inner circle play a very strong role in your success as man and wife. Your love for God is as strong as the bond between you and those in your cycle of friends. Same is your love for each other, especially from the man to his wife and how much the wife is willing to submit to her husband. If you love God you will love your wife, and submitting to your husband won’t be a too difficult a task for you. God won’t ask you to submit, if He knows you’re incapable of doing it, “His commandments are not grievous” (1 John 5:3).

If you have friends that are willing to help you make the best of your family, blessed are you and those otherwise, are unfortunate and blind to their real self and how much God expects from them and their family. If we fail God, we would have also fail our families and our children too. Time will tell.

I agree with Rev. Olusola Areogun, that “You don’t judge a man as successful until you see what he has made of his wife” God bless you Sir and God bless all men who will stop at nothing to make this true and to their wives I say, God bless you. Amen!

(Olumofin Kehinde Benjamin writes for Praying Parents Prayer Group WhatsApp Interactive Page @08062860205.)