Last week, our focus was on the woman, using Rebekah as our case study, we considered the reasons she might go for a long period of time without a suitor. Though physically matured, attractive and unmarried.

We tried making a distinct clarification between suitor and suitors.

If you missed last week’s lecture, please consult with those who were online, especially if you joined the class after the lecture. Hopefully, we will have it posted on our website soon. You can visit www.3pgchristianministry.org for some of our past classes we have been able to place on the site.

So today, we will be talking more to the men, but sisters too will have a lot to learn, if attention are paid to details as we discuss. God will speak to everyone. So I said last week, WHY NO SUITOR IS COMING will be in two parts, the first addressed the title as it is, from the perspective of the woman, and the second is this, from the perspective of the man.

WHY YOU ARE FINDING IT HARD TO CHOOSE

The word “CHOOSE” if taken on the face value can be said to mean, making a choice or choices among two or more options. But that won’t be consistent with the spirit of this lecture. God brought Eve to Adam, though one option, but accepting her, marrying her and staying with her, even after the Fall was his choice. This pattern was repeated in the entire Bible. There was no single man, all over the Scripture, who had more than one love interest per time and same for the woman too. None had suitors. It was always one person, one love interest per time.

I have spoken extensively last week on the evil of having multiple love interest and or suitors.

That it is not a sign of divine blessing, if too many men are running after you. And if as an unmarried man, finding yourself with the need to choose one among two or three or more women at any particular time is a call for caution. Once it is more than one love interest per time, two or three is already a crowd and a recipe for confusion. Rejoicing that you are being chased by multiple men or women around same time is a symptom of spiritual drowsiness and you need to wake up before it is too late.

God won’t send more than one person your way at any given time. He’s never confused and has never been in the business of confusing His own children. If you are His, He will lead you to your own. He created Adam and He brought only one Eve, not two, so he can chose one. Don’t let Satan deceive you and walk you into marital confusion via unwholesome opportunities to choose among many. It is completely unscriptural. I think it is good we emphasize this over and again.

So having explored the subject from the perspectives of the woman in waiting, single, physically matured and unmarried. Questions were asked and answers were provided as best as the Lord helped us. We now have to look at things from the perspective of the man in search of marriage mate.

Finding a suitable mate is as challenging for the man, just as it is for the woman.

I will be speaking to you using two male Bible characters interwovenly to drive in the points: Isaac and Boaz.

What did they do that helped them make a good marital choice and ended up having exemplary marriage whose stories lingers beyond their very lives.

Isaac inherited The Promise, an eternal Covenant of Blessing of God to Abraham and his seeds forever.

“And I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee.” Genesis 17:7.

Isaac had Abraham as a father, a father who had a clear understanding of the promise of God for his family and his son, ever before he was born. Isaac also had a faithful family staff, who has been serving his father before he was born, Eliezer. These two men, Abraham the father of faith and Eliezer his servant search and “arranged” the woman Isaac married for him because none of them were in the dark of God’s mind and the burden of carrying the responsibility of The Promise from Abraham to Isaac.

So my observations are these:

1. As a man, know yourself, who you are and who you will want to be.

Know your personal desire for life, otherwise, you will have problem choosing a life partner. This is the undiscovered trouble of many marriages. Many men don’t have direction for life, no particular goal and desire they are working towards. They only live a day at a time, hoping for the best. Wives of such men, if they ever marry, will regularly feel unhappy and confused.

Women are created and wired to be helpmates and where a man is working towards no direction, such wives are left confused not knowing what they are married to help with. If you don’t know what you want, you are likely going to be confused in picking a life partner since any beautiful woman will appeal to you and nothing else. A woman married solely for her beauty is a disaster waiting to happen.

Eliezer knew who Isaac was destined to be and the Promise he was an heir to, and that helped in the prayer he prayed and the choice he made in Rebekah.

You may not have a father in faith like Abraham nor a pastor friend like Eliezer, but knowing who you are and what you want from your life, will go a long way to guide your choice of mate. Who in your best accessment, God helping you, can help you reach your set goal without being a distraction to you.

Men are easily attracted by the woman’s body and beauty and where sex is already taking place, her prowess in bed can distort the sanest of mind. Yet, as good as these may be, none will matter so much once you are married to a woman that share no common direction, faith, purpose and value in life with you.

If you know what you want from life, choosing a woman to help you run it, drive it, becomes easy and it won’t be about her beauty alone but much about the values she’s made of, values and qualities that will be of assets to you and to your future.

While others are being hurled to their knee by attraction of beauty, those who know what they want are digging a little further for something more than gold locked within the heart of a true daughter of Zion.

So I make bold to say you will find it hard picking a life partner amidst so many women around you if you don’t know what you want in life.

Falling in love with a directionless man is the worst calamity that can befall a woman trained and raised by grace.

This point is very important, Jesus said, “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” Matthew 7:7.

You can’t ask or seek for what you don’t know, even if you find it, you won’t recognize nor accept it, since you don’t know it. You can meet your destined wife and still not know she’s the one, since you don’t even know what you are looking for, having not known what you want.

So, if you know yourself and the mind of God for you and how you intend to pursue it, then knowing who will best fit into that purpose of God for you won’t be too hard. If God gave you understanding of His mind for you, He will also help you with someone to run the race as a man.

God never designs the man to run through life alone.

Eliezer knew what fit to Isaac and Boaz knew Ruth fit to him, no wonder the next in line to her late hubby rejected her, having not seen beyond poor impoverished widow Naomi brought with her from her failed trip abroad (Ruth chapter 4). Boaz saw far more.

My other observation why you are struggling picking a life partner (and this also apply to women too) is…

2. You have no set standards and those that have, find it hard following it through, especially when no one seems to be fitting in to their goals.

Now, setting a standard or criteria for choosing a life partner is not just about physical appeal but about who in your best judgment fit into your God given dream and purpose in life.

“And my master made me swear, saying, Thou shalt not take a wife to my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I dwell: And I came this day unto the well, and said, O LORD God of my master Abraham, if now thou do prosper my way which I go: Behold, I stand by the well of water; and it shall come to pass, that when the virgin cometh forth to draw water, and I say to her, Give me, I pray thee, a little water of thy pitcher to drink; And she say to me, Both drink thou, and I will also draw for thy camels: let the same be the woman whom the LORD hath appointed out for my master’s son. Genesis 24:37, 42-44.

That was a standard, not high and lofty but precise enough to attract heaven’s attention. And you will notice, it had nothing to do with physical appeal, but a test of character and strength.

The Promise of Abraham was not meant for the indolence, and Rebekah was not a disappointment in helping Isaac bear the burden of the Promise.

Your values and goals in life will reflect in the standards you set in your quest for a life partner.

If all you care about is a beautiful and alluring woman, you have lost the war before it even began. Set your standards first, as best as God’s will for you is, just like Eliezer did, and leave the beautiful part for God. He won’t disappoint. “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 31:30.

You know sometimes, as men, the devil makes us believe it’s not possible to find a beautiful woman that is full of grace and enviable character, as if godliness and beauty cannot be in the same container.

No worse lie from hell.

Please go ahead and set your standards and as graceful as it can be.

Ask yourself what’s your view about marrying a divorcee, or someone with different religious views, or a fashionista, or a conservative or whatever value you consider appropriate for the life you are called to live. Go to whatever length or place till you have your standards met. Isaac and Ruth set for us examples that sometimes you might not have what you want in the environment you find yourself. So if need be look outside your church, street, even city, as long as God’s will is not affected.

I have said much on this in the last episode.

3. Consider the prevailing premarital practices.

Boaz in Ruth chapter 3 and 4 follow through all the premarital practices before marrying Ruth. Same did Eliezer for Rebekah on behalf of Isaac.

Joseph wanted to privately put away Mary when he discovered there was a breach in the premarital practices they both shared.

Not wanting to observe and fulfill certain rigorous cultural practices can make somebody abort a marriage plan. If performing some certain cultural practices will jeopardize your spiritual zeal and purpose in life, it will be worthwhile to reconsider your stance. God won’t lead you through a path outside his will and purpose for you.

Where you are not too clear on the scriptural stand on some premarital cultural practices, please seek for advice from matured elderly Christian couples.

There are practices one can get involved with and the rest of one’s life is permanently distorted. God forbid.

4. Inability to avoid avoidable tempting moments.

Men and women of old that prioritize purpose above pleasure were not super men. They only took precautions we often fail to take. They were flesh and blood too.

Premarital sex doesn’t confirm anything. It render you insensitive to the Holy Spirit. Whatever is wrong is wrong. Where no feeling of guilt is, there cannot be godly sorrow that will lead to repentance. Not having any sense of guilt after extra marital sex is a spiritual red flag on its own. A symptom of a dead conscience.

Once sex starts taking place, as a man, your spiritual judgement will be affected and whatever choices that takes place after, are mostly done out of compromise.

That’s why sometimes you don’t know if she’s right, yet you are afraid and guilt ridden to let go.

Don’t just start sleeping with her even if she offered it to you free. This is one reason men get confused on who to choose, having been intimate with all the women that came their way. When I say this, believe me I mean it.

Go to her parents and respect their view. And don’t go unless you are sure you want to go ahead with her. Though there may be a little margin of chance things don’t work out, even after visiting the parents but the reason should be convincing. If you want to do, then go see her parents and take her to yours, then do whatever they ask of you.

People get married in two weeks when they think they can no longer hold on. The more you are not ready for marriage, the less you should desire the do. “I say therefore to the unmarried… if they cannot contain, let them marry”. 1 Corinthians 7:8-9.

Sex outside marriage is a confusion, the more you do it with a woman you are not married to, the more you see reasons to abscond. This is just the opposite for the woman, the more she allows you, the more she consider herself to be your wife. When you see a woman this is not so with, she’s a disaster personified.

5. Pride and Peer Pressure.

Just take a moment and think about Boaz and Ruth. She was a widow, a Moabite woman, a new convert to the Jewish religion by her commitment to grandmother Naomi and her God. She was nobody by the standard of the time. Some might even see her as a very unfortunate woman married to a family who recently lost all the male heir. I can imagine so many background noises and stories, yet Boaz, a rich and established man considered her worthy to share permanently in the abundance he was blessed with.

Boaz, though humble and caring may have thought he was doing Ruth a favour by marrying her, or at least the natives would have reason that way. But looking at that marriage from the record of the Bible, it was Boaz that was the fortunate one. Ruth was a carrier of the Promise in her late husband, Boaz only stepped in to fulfilled it and could have been any other man had he rejected her like the next kinsman who earlier rejected her when he was given the right of first refusal.

Be humble sir, you might think your handsomeness and financial status makes her a “lucky” woman marrying you but for a woman that carry grace, a true daughter of Zion, blessed is the man who finds her and not just the other way round. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Proverbs 18:22.

In the marriage of Boaz and Ruth, Naomi and Ruth were the focus of heaven, Boaz was just the fortunate tool that was to bring about the seeds of greatness these women shared in their late husbands.

“And the women her neighbours gave it a name, saying, There is a son born to Naomi; and they called his name Obed: he is the father of Jesse, the father of David.” Ruth 4:17

If not for Ruth, Boaz would never have been mentioned. Then, it was as if he did Ruth a favour marrying her. He was a wealthy man, and could have yielded to peer pressure and marry from another rich family.

But looking at it from the perspective of history, you will agree Boaz was the fortunate one, having married to a woman who carry in her a seed of greatness.

Don’t just have a beautiful face my sister, carry grace and ensure you protect it.

And brothers, seek and pray for a woman of virtues and your possibility of falling prey to empty beautiful vessels would have reduced very greatly. A woman without Jesus is empty, even if she’s an international celebrity. She will jeopardize your God given purpose if you choose by sight.

Be humble enough and be on the lookout for grace and quality. She might think she’s fortunate marrying you but if in her are seeds of greatness, you might actually be the fortunate one. Don’t rate yourself above your real worth. Joseph knew this to be the truth and held Mary the mother of Jesus Christ firmly and gracefully despite the stories around her life.

Not every woman is a push over, if God has destined one for you, don’t let your present overated ego deny you of the blessing she will be to you. There is no proud Christian. Pride can make it hard for you to make a good and godly choice. “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.” Proverbs 31:11. Only few married men are that blessed, even in the church. You can be among the fortunate few.

6. Financial Wellness.

Many young people, including believing men, have erroneously believed you have to be in plenty money to make a good marital choice. Nothing can be farther from the truth. This is one of the big lies devils have sold to young people and has been used to control the mind of many.

Yes money is good and can make for a good life when blessed with it. But money in itself is a very bad master when it is allowed to play whatever role in the choice of a life partner. Any marriage established on the promised of abundance can never be sustained with plenty.

“He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver; nor he that loveth abundance with increase: this is also vanity.” Ecclesiastes 5:10. As good as money may be, don’t entice a woman with it and don’t marry a man just for money. It has never worked. Marry for love, joy, peace, grace, virtues and all other things shall be added to it in the course of life. If you are waiting to get enough money before you marry, there is likelihood you will keep getting confused the richer you become. When money increase, level increases too, and so are the sophistication of the women on each level. Don’t posed with wealth around women, it will only increase your confusions.

My brother if you come across a woman that tends to define love by the amount of money you are willing to throw around, even if she speaks in a thousand tongue like Paul the Apostle, please run for your life.

This is no excuse for laziness and stinginess, be moderate in your approach to life. You can still be wealthy without being under the control of money. Jesus said “Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life: consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth.” Luke 12:15. Too many marriages are failing for this reason.

7. Spiritual reasons.

Much has been said on this in the last episode, please visit the ministry website for updates on spiritual factors as it can affect your choice of a marriage mate.

But I will like to make a brief comment on what I will call “spiritual confusion” as seen in the lives of many church people today, men and women alike. I made a brief statement on this in the last episode too.

The spiritual lives of too many young people are too polarized, making it difficult to know their true spiritual state. Many young people have mastered the language of the Church and the slangs of the world so much there is little or no distinction in spiritual identity. Ladies out there who don’t want Christian husbands are avoiding them, thinking they are too spiritual for them. Some have been outrightly rejected in the public space when they proposed marriage to a woman who’s still wondering if their boring church lives is worthy of her bubbling life, while on the other hand, faithful daughter of Zions consider them a spiritual risk, if married.

Men like that won’t only find it hard choosing, they will also discover women around them are wary of serious commitment. Even the devil is still wondering whose camp they rightly belong to.

God is never confused and will never commit to your hands any of His precious daughters, as long as your ways are confused. The Lord knoweth them that are his.” 2 Timothy 2:19.

8. Your physical Look

Everybody loves good things. Shabby dressings and unkept appearance will drive away potential lover, even if God is speaking to them.

It is very good to look good. Children of God should look good. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

However, looking good is not the same as looking expensive. If you are too sophisticated, men and women will avoid you, nobody wants to marry a problem.

And don’t be so spiritual, you neglect your physical appeal. Be moderate in all things.

Look good, acquire skills and perfect them. Where these are not, you will be too shy to approach your love interest. Be good in whatever thing you are doing, including your spiritual life.

Ecclesiastes  9:10  Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.

God won’t commit His daughter to you until He finds your hands busy and working in all things good for life and godliness.

If you are a Christian, be committed to it.

If you want to be a Christian, be one and marry your type and if you want to be with the world in styles and longings, stay out of the way of church girls, go marry your kind. Stop causing confusions.

Shalom!

Questions and Answers

+234 803 223 7…: Good morning sir, thank you so much for the lecture, God will continue to bless you sir. The lecture was a wonderful one. Please I want to ask about the move made by Ruth as directed by her Mother in-law to go and meet Boaz disguised in the night, is that not a seductive move?

My Response:

Thanks for this question. It has been asked by many young people over the ages.

I think the first thing is to define “Seduction” itself, which by definition means to “lead astray” especially by sexual means. For example, to lead from godliness to ungodliness, from sexual purity to sexual impurity and perversions etc.

Now, in the case of Ruth neither of these definition is true (read chapter 3 of Bible book of Ruth). In verse 11, it was said the whole city testified to her purity.

Now this simply means there is nothing wrong if a woman behave in certain ways to attract the attention of the man she’s having love interest in. God has put, by creation, in all women that ability to communicate her feelings to the man.

Where the problem is, is in the intention of the woman in “seducing” the man. Is it to lead him astray or to make him sexually impure and sin against his conscience or against his God or just to have access to him because of his money, financial status or for some personal selfish reasons?

All Naomi wants, was for Ruth to have a home for herself, especially having selflessly committed herself to her mother-in-laws cause and Ruth on the other hand, agreed with the plans not because Boaz was the local wealthy unmarried man around but because she wanted to marry and be the good wife he can trust and be comforted in.

Naomi knew Boaz may not show interest out of respect for Ruth or maybe he was a very shy man, though rich and godly. So she taught her the idea only an experience woman should have, not to lead the man astray, but to help fulfill the mind of God for them both.

Nothing is wrong to carefully “entice” a love interest, nothing is wrong to propose love or marriage to a man or whatever a woman can do to get his attention.

Where the problem is, for what purpose is she’s doing her “things” around him? To entice him to sexual sins and captivate his judgment or to help bring him to positive reasoning about her and then be his comfort and joy.

If the reason for a woman wanting to get close, will promote family values, help the man to fulfill destiny in life and help the man serve God better, then she will do well if using her gift as a woman to call his attention to herself. Read Ruth chapter 4:11-22 and you will agree Ruth was a heaven sent blessing to Boaz and she did well following Naomi’s plan.

A well guided lady, with the help of experienced godly women can do likewise today and bring about the plan of God for her and her future family.

Someone privately asked me this question, I just asked him I will like to share with you and my response:

+234 812 867 3…: “Good afternoon, please how can I know my spouse?”

My Response:

I am a writer. I have written many articles, a lot are published and some are yet to be in the public domains.

One of the job of an author is to find a suiting title for his/her work. Sometimes that can be a daunting task. The ideas are there, the works are expressly committed to words and are good for reading but you wonder what title is best for your work and will appeal to readers at first glance.

After going forth and back, you have to give a title to the work, if indeed you want the public to benefit from it. There can be no published material with no title.

So the work of an author is incomplete, no matter how brilliant the pieces are tied together without a TITLE.

Consider yourself a book, and you are a work-in-progress ready to be launch to the public domain and your spouse is your official label and TITLE. Who do you go to, to place that fitting LABEL where it should be rightly and timely?

Your answer is as good as mine. You go and ask the AUTHOR of the book you are.

So ask God that same question, if you are sincere and willing, He will show you the answer you seek. Mine is to help guide your steps, just as I’m doing now, both privately here and on the 3pG School for the Singles Whatsapp group page.

If He gave Eve to Adam, Sarah to Abraham, Rebekah to Isaac, Ruth to Boaz, Mary to Joseph etc be sure, He can lead your path to your own half.