I will be addressing this title in two part, WHY NO SUITOR IS COMING is the first, and we will be looking at it from the perspective of the woman in waiting and no suitor is coming and the second part, will be from the man’s perspective, WHY YOU ARE FINDING IT HARD TO CHOOSE as a man. The third part, which I may like to add if the Lord allows us is, WHY SUSTAINING A RELATIONSHIP IS HARD FOR YOU.

Let’s focus on the first part today.

WHY NO SUITOR IS COMING

You will notice a slight change in the title that was previously announced, “why suitors not coming” to “why suitor not coming”.  The major key words in the two statements are ‘suitor’ and ‘suitors’. What’s the difference?

There have been cases of 2 or more men wanting to have the hand of same woman in marriage. There have been cases where 4 or 5 men, in same church, talking to pastor on the same woman, and sometimes, all talking and wooing same lady around same time, especially if she’s beautiful, gifted and endowed. This can also happen in a work space, where every man silently competes for the love of the same woman, which sometimes include even the married men.

 There are no examples of such rat race in the Bible, where more than one man is pursuing same woman for love. It is strange to the Spirit of the holy writers, and so, no such was documented as an example.

It is my strong belief that it is blessed to have just a SUITOR coming per time, than to have more than one, at any particular time. Multiple suitors coming almost same time is a recipe for confusion. It is a sign the devil is interested in ones life to steal, kill a destiny and destroy a purpose and must be restricted vehemently in prayer. God is not the author of confusion.

 I must say ladies experiencing this often feel high and important. Thinking all is well and often love to enjoy the glamour while it last, but alas unknown to them, they are in the middle of a spiritual war, and they know it not.

Its like a man having so many women showing interest in him and will do just anything to give their body to him just to be with him.

Men like that often feel high and important but unknown to many, women don’t flock around a man unlike something in their subconscious tell them his destiny is great and precious….

The more they flock around, the more confused he becomes. A confused man is far from purpose and destiny. If care is not taken, he may live and die purposeless.

To be called a ladies man is a CURSE and not something to celebrate.

For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life. Proverbs 6:26.

If your destiny is not precious, women won’t flock around you. Be careful.

Now, let’s go back to our lecture…

God won’t bring more than one suitor to any of His daughters per time, for ease of choice. Once you have more than one name (one person) to pray on before deciding who to marry, you are already walking on a verge of error and you must be careful. Psalm 71: 1-2 should be your prayer points.

Now that being said, why will a healthy looking, beautiful and physically matured in age and education (formal and informal) go for months, even years without any show of interest from any matured man?

 Please don’t pray for SUITORS….ask God for a SUITOR.

Don’t read the next if you have not checked Psalm 71:1-2.

Have you read Psalm 71?

The statement here also apply to men…..if you are having multiple women on your love list to pray on before choosing…..you need that reference too.

Now two factors are important to this question. One, spiritual, which are factors that can be attributed to God or the devil.

God can cause a delay in a believer’s life, in order to bring to fruition His plan for a life. At least, time and chance are His and He made everything beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Devil and demons can cause delay in marriage by diverting the attentions of suitable suitors from matured marriageable women, and can also do same against men by making them unwanted and unreasonable choices for women using physical reasons like joblessness and poverty as veritable excuses. Activities of spiritual husbands, spiritual wives, Satan inspired family patterns, spiritual attack, especially when the enemy is aware of God’s plan for such a person. These and more are signs that there are manipulations by devils that can cause delay in marriage by shielding off potential suitors.

Please note, all spiritual reasons and suspicions should be addressed in prayers and the assistance of elderly, matured believers will do much where available. Effective combination of these two approach at finding solution to a “NO SUITOR” situation might help discover who, God or devil is at work and prayerfully find ways out of the wood.

In most cases of “no suitor’ that have spiritual undertone, devils and evil pattern are chief causes.

And one way to read the hands of evil spirit and pattern is when it is or it has affected more than one person in a family or lineage, either before or its presently happening to someone else in the family……then the person concerned should begin to ask questions with the intent of getting answers.

 If the experience is situational…..there won’t be a pattern in the family.

I want to believe that area is clear. You can ask questions after, if there are areas of interest we have to address.

Now, the second factor, aside spiritual factors that can bring about a long and unnecessary  “no suitor” situation is PERSONAL factor and or any other human factors outside the direct influence of the person concerned but are influenced by people around them or by the environment they find themselves.

I will spend more energy on the Personal factor in this lecture.

Let’s take for example, if you are a woman of grace and virtues, men who don’t appreciate simplicity inherent in grace and virtues, will keep away from you. I think that explains the condition of Rebekah of Isaac, who had no recorded suitor, despite being surrounded by shepherds, until the servant of Abraham met her. Where virtues are considered obsolete, possessing one can cause a temporal disadvantage.

On the other hand, if your life is shallow, you can be laid with at will, if you lack intelligent thinking, if you have no quality, no in-depth understanding of matters, yours words are shallow with zero spiritual intelligence you will likely going to have yourself in a “no suitor” situation for a long while if you are in an environment where such qualities are considered inappropriate and bad for marriage.

If your description suits either of the two cases above, then you are a misfit for your current location. You might need to consider relocating to a more appropriate environment, fellowship, or clime, deserving your person or prayerfully wait, for those who believes in prayer, till your type appear on the horizon.

Being a bad girl may not be a bad idea afterall, there are men looking for “bad babes” but being a bad girl in an environment full of men of virtues may make you a misfit.

Go to where you will find your type. Deep calls for deep.

Let’s use Rebekah earlier mentioned as our case study on how personal traits and the influences of people around a woman can cause a ‘no suitor’ situation for her.

Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men: of the city come out to draw water. Genesis 24:13.

1. Rebekah was among so many other women but she was not like many of them.

Her character was distinct and probably a subject of ridicule but she stood her ground, believing her time will come despite obvious disinterest from the men around her. And her time came.

And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master. Genesis 24:14.

2. Unknown to her, she was someone prayer point. Despite the “no suitor” situation, every woman of virtues is someone’s prayer point. Wait for him.

Not all men love your type….if you are too nice for them, they won’t come. You are someone’s prayer point, prepare yourself as his answer the day you will meet him. Till then, you might be in a “no suitor” position.

And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out…with her pitcher upon her shoulder. Genesis 24:15.

3. She was spiritually sensitive.

She became an instant answer to a man’s prayer due to her sensitivity to spiritual things. Rebekah had no reasons to help Eliezer. Oriental servants have marks that are easily identifiable on their forehead, right hand or ears and Rebekah could have looked down on him but she chose otherwise. Unknown to her, her destiny is rounded up around that man, a servant and around that moment. Had she missed it, her waiting would have been prolong further and that if she didn’t end up with an idiot, a wife beater or something. Be sensitive in your spirit. Golden moments don’t always appear in gold.

4. She was industrious and independent, yet humble.

Lazy men and young people suffering from inferiority complex have natural dislike for hardworking women, they are a financial threat to them. These qualities, where misinterpreted can cause a “no suitor” situation for a woman. But her humility bailed her out, on a day it mattered most.

And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up. Genesis 24:16.

5. Immorality, cheap sex and sexual perversion is not a new rave, it has been an age long problem since the days of Noah. It was one big reason for the Flood.

Rebekah was a very beautiful woman, yet kept herself. Many ladies would have done well in life but for their beauty.

Once men who want free sex after a night or two of date discovers you have nothing sensual to offer, you are likely going to be black listed and a no go area, but the one that values your worth will stay.

That you have done it before is not an excuse to keep doing it. Good men don’t love cheap sex. Whoever gets you cheap does not deserve you.

If that is your stance, you might have a ‘no suitor’ problem for a while.

And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher. And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted…and gave him drink. And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking. And she hasted, and…drew for all his camels. And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not. Genesis 24:17-21.

6. She fits into Eliezer prayers because she was the exact spec he asked God for his master’s son.

If you don’t fit into the spec of the men around you, nobody will come and if they do, it will be to just take advantage of you and zoom off. Many ladies are neither godly nor not completely worldly, even the devil is confused whose daughters they are, his or God.

If you are like that, unbelieving men will find you too good for marriage and true sons of God will consider you a spiritual compromise in marriage. At the end, a ‘no suitor’ situation will play out.

And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold. Genesis 24:22.

7. Gifts are good and should be given intentionally and a mark of appreciation for a beloved. Where this is not, gifts can be used as excuse for sexual favour.

A round trip to a “talk of the town” restaurant, an expensive phone gift, an unexpected special birthday treat, a Valentine day outing, etc are few examples of things that can compromise decent boundaries where cautions are thrown to the wind.

 But when a woman is known to be a difficult wall to break in, and not too easy fall for those flimsy things that confuse many of her kind, suitors won’t want to waste their time coming around her except the business minded ones.

And the damsel ran, and told them of her mother’s house these things. Genesis 24:28.

8. One reason Rebekah could not be enticed by gifts, and possibly gave room for “no suitor” until the matter Isaac came up was the fact that, she won’t collect gifts from men and fail to report same to an experience elderly person.

No secret relationship and no secret exchange of gifts. Those are enough to send immature and uncultured men away.

Men who have secret motive, mostly wrong motive, will want the woman to keep their relationship a secret.

If you have nothing to hide, you should not also be hiding your relationship from people who are sincerely concerned about you too.

And the women must lead in this. A relationship will stay secret as long as the woman wants it so.

Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the LORD: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good. And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go. And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go. Genesis 24:50, 55, 58.

9. Her relatives were involved, and was allowed to take the final decision all by herself.

Ladies who readily involve matured elderly believers in their relationships might run easily into trouble waters with men who have things to hide. If she’s known for such, a ‘no suitor’ situation may play out, until the right man for her shows up.

10. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel. For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself. Genesis 24:64, 65.

10. Earlier I spoke about the humble nature of Rebekah. In oriental times, to come off a camel in order greet someone is a sign of humility, especially for a new wife, who ordinarily was expected to sit put and wait to be helped down like some delicate queen of nothingness but a wise woman took a different path.

The chiefest problem of many women who has been in a ‘no suitor’ position for longer than necessary is pride and arrogance, especially when blessed with beauty, education and classy status. This is easily identifiable in their styles, fashion, characters, tastes and look. They are potential red lights sane suitors will view from safe distance.

Right from the well at the first time meeting with Eliezer, some women would have missed their chance. A rich big man daughter fetching water for a slave and his camels, he’s not my type, we are not in the same class. How can a delicately beautiful me be fetching water for a man, who is supposed to be fetching for me?

Eliezer makes very hard request in prayer stating his spec for a befitting wife for Isaac, most beautiful women would never have passed but Rebekah passed without even knowing she was being tested.

Some men would have compromised their set standard, thinking no woman will come that low, if she’s beautiful and classy. But Rebekah proved him wrong, that it is possible to combine sense and godliness with beauty. Never lower your standard for anyone, whatever is good and godly is worth waiting for, even if it takes longer than expected.

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death. Genesis 24:67.

11. This one is an offshoot from the last point. Men generally migrate towards women they believe can offer them intangible values like peace of mind, rest and comfort, trust, good advice and encouragement in days of hardship and many more.

Rebekah offered Isaac all of these in return for his love and was comforted, especially after the death of his beloved mother, Sarah. A prideful and arrogant woman have no comfort in her bosom to offer any man.

If marrying you promised nothing, except your good look and fine body, you can be rest assured your “no suitor” condition is not going to end any time soon.

Take your time and study your situation in the lights of all the points already discussed. And if none of the points we have talked about hitherto define your “no suitor” condition, then you need to see a counselor for a one on one heart talk.

God bless you and break all limitations holding you on same spot in Jesus Name. Amen.

Question and Answer

+234 812 403 8…: Is it acceptable and reason enough for a lady to change her church when there are no prospective suitors where she fellowships?

My Response: Yes, I believe that a lady can take such a step. But she should also pray about it and see God’s mind about it.

She should also let her pastor be in the know and the reason she’s taking that action…if she plays a very important role in her church.

A matured pastor will guide you very wisely.

I’m of the opinion that if you are in an environment where there are no prospective suitor, you should prayerfully migrate to areas where you can have one for yourself. That was what Ruth did. She knew Moab won’t give her what she had in the first hubby, so she decided to follow the mother in law to where she knew the God of her late hubby have plenty of his people and it won’t be hard for her getting one there.

If Joseph had remain in Canaan, he would have missed out of destiny that awaits him in Egypt.

Moving to a new place can be difficult, that is why prayer and counseling’s helps a lot.

But after much prayers, if God ask you to wait, there must be a reason for it. Rebekah waited and eventually, someone found her.

+234 812 403 8…: “…the feeling of not being sure you are in the right place can be tiring.”

My Response: Don’t be tired and don’t get discouraged. That is why you should make Psalms 71:1-2 your regular prayer when such feelings arise.

If you are sincere with God, and God sees your sincerity, He will lead you. Don’t ask how but He will. Just pray and trust and keep being you, at your best always.

Even if your suitor did not see you, his Eliezer, someone that knows you and knows him, will someday see you.

Just make sure you pass your test when it matters most.

You remember the woman I shared her video with you? How she failed her test with the man in her office, only to realized later he was the Eliezer that came before her hubby-to-be. It took her a while to repair the damage.

So always be your best if you are waiting.

If you sincerely pray and ask God for direction, He will lead you.

Let prayer guide your steps all the way.

I must confess, sometimes you have to change your location, it can be a church, it can be your city or town, it can be your street, it can even be your job.

There are “no suitor” cases that won’t change easily if you refuse to relocate.

Men love new thing, new things are catching. If people are used to you where you are, you may have to go to a place where you will be the “new catch”, even if for holiday or leave.

Just two weeks or two months in a new environment can make a big difference if God is in it.

This may not work for everybody but you can be sure, it wont work for you until you give it a try.

Prayerfully plan your next leave or holiday in a new environment and see what the Lord can do.

Same is church, deciding to worship in another branch of your church far from home, it can be same town, can bring the answer you have been waiting for. At least, it is still same church, just another branch where you are new.

If they accuse you of running around because of husband, tell them you are Ruth, if Boaz refused to come to Moab, you are ready to go find him in Judea….so far it’s within the realm of same God.

Don’t just pray, act.