DOMESTIC PUNISHMENT OR CORRECTION

Between man and wife and vice versa:

“WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PUNISHMENT AND CORRECTION?”

In order word, what is the difference between punishing ones spouse and correcting him/her consciously or not?

• Group Admin, 3pG

“WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PUNISHMENT AND CORRECTION?”

Punishment is to inflict physical and emotional pains. It should not be heard in any christian marriage. None of us have the right to punish a spouse. He/she is a spouse and not a child, even children are not to be punished with the intention of causing physical or emotional hurt. Punishment is not allowed in marriage, though they do happens, hope to talk on this shortly again.

Correction on the other hand is actually a part of marriage, if you love someone you should also know how to correct or advise in love as the two earlier contributors rightly point out. Though in practice we often correct more in anger and in the heat of mistakes of our partners, little winder such corrections has not been very effective.

The Bible says the correction of a friend, though might not be very palatable is far better than the deceptive love of an enemy (Pro. 27:6) but a misguided correction can be liken to punishment as well and can even make things get worse, partly because the one who is doing the correction is not doing so maturely, most partner have failed here and partly because the one that is being corrected do not like to be corrected. It is never an easy things to accept correction. It takes humility to accept a deflated ego.

The aim of correction or good advise is to ensure good behaviour, a change in attitude arising from a changed heart and from bad to good conduct. Whatever correction that is not intended for a change in behaviour will be counter productive. It is not enough to point out the errors in your partner, your advise and method of pointing out such mistakes goes a long way to make a difference. We should all be open to correction and should accept correction in love. Humility is key here. A correction in arrogance is not of God, and the prideful heart will hate correction. Bruce and Carol Britten write extensively on this in their book “Answers for your Marriage” as well.

HOW DO I KNOW WHEN I’M PUNISHING MY SPOUSE INSTEAD OF CORRECTING IN LOVE ?

1. When you hold on to upkeep money as a result of an argument or a perceived mistaken of your spouse.
2. When you withhold sex to settle score.
3. When communication is reduced to zero and malice is given a prime place withing the family.
4. Deliberate and intentional absence from family prayer times.
5. A prolong absence of fellowship. Fellowship is more than just prayer. Fellowship is communion, companionship, friendship, love etc.
6. Absconding from 3pG page just because your spouse refused to stay on the page. I have had to deal with cases like that.
7. When you refused to play with the children as a way of getting at your spouse.
8. When the kitchen is allow to go on vacation and or deliberately avoiding meal time with the family.
9. Failure to pay school fees or help where necessary, even when there is the power to do so.
10. When you refuse to relate with in-laws and obvious lack of interest in issues that affect the other person.
11. When you keep financial documents from the other person.
12. Having an affair.
13. When you replace your spouse with social media. If phone time is replacing family time. This is a potential trap for all modern family.
14. When you engaged in frequents unexplainable outings and or travelling without informing your spouse. This also include unwarranted late night crawling.
15. When you allow your parents, siblings, relatives or domestic staff to inflict emotional pains on your spouse.
16. etc.

Correction should never be to exert authority and superiority over the other person but should be done in love and with the intention to see to a change of heart and for the best of the union.

• Group Admin, 3pG.