MARITAL SEX

Marital Sex: A Marital Duty or A God Ordained Source of Pleasure or Both?

Which of the above is true?

• Group Admin, 3pG

Group Admin Response:

Both are true. Marital sex is a marital duty meant to be enjoyed. It should be enjoyable, pleasurable and full of surprises. Once any of these three things is missing, then there is likely going to be trouble.

Sex is an act that happens between two married people and both should enjoy it. This is where friendship and open communication comes in. Once the act is not being enjoyed by either of the party involved, instead of technically walking away from love making or getting weighed down with the thought of sex, it should be discussed in a very friendly manner with your spouse. And each of us should be open minded to discuss such issue’s when brought up by our spouse.

It should not be discussed in a way that will place aspersion on the other person’s ability to satisfy the other sexually and the complaining partner should not be seen as being unnecessarily demanding and asking for too much. What are we friends for, and more also, lovers. Lovers talk sex and make sex and should also freely discuss whatever can bring joy and pleasure to it.

The man in particular can easily be carried away with the excitement of the moment and forget the act is between two people, the woman should be kind enough to draw his attention to the fact that she’s no longer being carried along, and the man too should make adjustments as best as he can. We can teach each other in love as to how best we want it. These things are common features in sexual relationship outside marriage, I never stop wondering why they are lost once two people get married. I think it’s the devil’s way of making sex in marriage boring and sex outside marriage to look attractive.

Never shy away from talking sex from time to time. It’s the devil’s strategy to destroy home by making sex talk a no go area for couples whereas unmarried partners don’t see anything wrong discussing sex but in marriage the devil makes it to be like one big issue, dirty and unholy. This is the devil’s lies to make Christian go outside their bed to find pleasure. Stolen water may be sweet but it’s ungodly. Water from one’s own well is satisfying and fulfilling when drank patiently, plentifully and in mutual love.

It should be pleasurable, that’s why it should not just be a marital duty. Many a times marital sex can easily be so unexciting that the idea of it been done again can be ‘killing’ just because one partner though available for sex, but she/he is never truly involved in the act. Sex is not just about servicing the genitals, it’s committing of two souls to pleasure. A fellowship, and the deepest form ever. Just imagine a church service where everybody is in attendance but no one is participating in the event being called out from the altar. You will agree that’s not a church. Two or three may be gathered but sure God is not there. God is only there when things are done together in love.

Same thing, when having sex and one of the partner is day dreaming about something else, or seem lost and confused and is just not participating. Though the coital organs may be engaged, yet sex is not really happening. That’s more like a consensual rape. There can be no fellowship and their can be no true pleasure.

Sex should be pleasurable, if it’s not, the possibility of a third exciting partner coming to steal water from your well is high. During sex, all body parts should be engaged. The hands can’t stay idle if real sex, pleasurable sex is taking place. The legs, mouths and all body parts should and must be engaged. That’s real sex. If it’s true, it’s should be inviting and involving, and it should be something you look forward to again and again.

It should be full of surprises. I usually wonder why Christians think sex is an unholy thing in marriage. Sex is holy. It’s the deepest form of fellowship between two being. It’s God ordained and good. It’s an holy thing. And when it comes to sex between couples nothing is out of line. No boundaries, no limitations, nothing dirty. Whatever you do in your bed, stay in your bed, nothing to be ashamed of, and there is no sin in going all out with your own spouse as long as no third party is involved and nothing is being done to cause bodily harm to either party involved. No limit should be set, two were naked together and both were not ashamed says the scripture. There is nothing dirty in marital sex. Nothing, as long as no one is being abused and maltreated.

It’s should be full of surprises, especially for young couples, where the strength and the energy for new things, styles and methods is still in both, please enjoy yourselves and stop this holier than thou attitude that’s killing love and sexual union in marriages. When love making is limited to the same spot, same room, same position and same style over time it will become unexciting and uninviting, soon it will be reduced to just a duty owned to each other and a mere method of procreation. Once this is the case, be very sure, it’s a matter of time, unnecessary quarrel, arguments and impatient will define that marriage. If left uncontrolled, separation and divorce may set in and at best, a third party will infiltrate the marriage while you are allowed to keep the carcass of whatever is left by the invading vultures.

I have written extensively on these things in a book yet to be published, I hope to share it with you someday. It is exciting and full of surprises because it can happen anywhere and anytime as long as you have the space and privacy of the environment for yourselves. And can be initiated by any of the partners, when sex is left just for one person to do the asking week in, week out it become tiring for the person initiating the act over time.

As long as you both have the strength and there is no health issues, couples should make sex a regular part of their lives. Surely, age will someday catch up on you both when you will no longer do as you will like to but the memories of days of joy and marital bliss will have stamped itself on your union that you will become inseparable as you age together.

And sex time is not the time for unromantic gists, those are things that kill the mood, if you must talk during sex, then talk sex. Exploit new ways of mutual pleasure, and bring life to your fellowship. A preacher that says the same thing, same way and same time every Sunday will soon lose he’s members to the church next door. It’s your joint duty to make love making appealing and exciting. Once you are fond of each other, it makes praying together very easy and when two hearts are bond together in love and fellowship, nothing can be withhold from them in the place of prayer and no demon can withstand such force of unity.

Sex is not just a marital duty, and it’s not just for bringing new children into the world, though it’s all about those, but more importantly, it’s a fellowship between two married people, the peak of fellowship that engaged two loving souls together, that’s to be enjoyed. The only allowed party to this union is God. He’s not the third party, He’s the first, the Author and Initiator of marital pleasure. The man and the wife are only fulfilling His wish and purpose for them when they engage in sex. No more, no less.

• Group Admin, 3pG