By OLUMOFIN Kehinde Benjamin

Let’s begin by stating what love is NOT. This way, we try correct some of the common mistakes many of us married people, if not all of us have made and which many who are following us behind are almost certain to make, if classes like this are not held and they happen to be in attendance as well.

So to begin with, what are those things we have wrongly attributed to be love but are not actually love?

1. Love is not a feeling, the sensual feeling of wanting to be with someone special in a romantic relationship.

2. Love is not the absence of loneliness and the feeling of being abandoned when one is not with that person you share a romantic bond. This is often the commonest mistake of the unmarried singles in relationship. If I feel lonely in the absence of that special person, then I’m in love. No, no, it’s not a complete truth.

3. Love is not sex and sexual compatibility does not define what love is or not.

All these feelings might help improve and sustain a romantic relationship but they do not define or approve love. All of these mentioned things, as lovely as they may be, can still be present in a predator-prey relationship. Many people in abusive relationships find it hard leaving even at the face of terrible persecution and abuse, for who they are and for what they have, yet are constantly assured of love by their abusers and are often told the reason for the ill treatments they often suffer are born out of “love” and so should be endured in “love”. So feelings and love is not always the same.

A hater, a domineering partner who is abusive and a wife or husband beater injuring the other in the name of love and the one on the receiving end enduring the hate and suffering quietly and in silence in the face of gradual but certain death cannot be love. It is just a romantic feeling that has been corrupted with bitterness and hate.

This simply means there is a thin line between love and romantic feelings.

4. It is possible to love without romantic feelings and it is possible to have romantic feelings for someone and still don’t love the person. They are two distinct things that are expected to coexist and mix together in perfect blending for a marriage to work and work well.

Humans are capable of growing and tendering romantic feelings without much of a help outside himself.

The natural desire to be with the opposite sex is carnal, it is human and generic. You don’t have to be in love to have those feelings.

It is not a person specific, whatever appeals to you in one person will also appeal to you in another where the same qualities are present in same amount or more. To want to be with the opposite sex is normal, an inherent behavior in all animals, humans and animals alike. It is called Courtship behavior.

It is the part of us that is intended to pull, push and connect opposite genders to satisfy the law of God to multiply, dominate as humans and replenish the earth. It is not love to “fall in love”, it is a biological process that is naturally triggered once physical maturity and desire to mate comes with age and growth. You don’t have to love someone to grow that feelings if all the conditions and parameters of affection and attraction with availability are present and strong enough, mating will take place. And mating in itself does not define love. It is just a natural response to romantic feelings and can happen to anyone at any time given the right conditions, and where self-control is in scarce supply, any kind of illicit behavior is possible.

This is to emphasize the fact that humans are capable of romantic feelings from as little as age 4-5 years but humans are incapable of love, he might try as he ages biologically and emotionally, but even at his best, man will never measure up to God’s standard and definition of love without the help of God. Just as no one is capable of complete submission to another without the help of a spiritual force outside of him/herself.

Romantic feelings are human and natural but love and submission are divine. What we often refer to as “falling in love” is just a romantic feeling towards a mate we have chosen and it’s just normal. The supernormal part is the love itself.

And for the unmarried, the first question is, is love and submission relevant before marriage or is it just a marriage thing?

My answer is, whoever you do not love as a man and you are not willing to submit and subject to as a woman, you should not marry, even when you have a strong romantic feelings for one another.

Before marriage, couples who are found of each other often confuse their feelings with being in love and a lot of emphasis are placed on “does he love me?” And less on the subject of submission. It is rarely considered. Many married people never talked about it till they wedded. Being in love was all that mattered. Pure courtship behavior.

As soon as marriage takes place, the man natural desires for submission to take over and the woman suddenly discovers she has not really prepared to “hand over her life completely” in submission to this man and the issue of lack of submission becomes a big deal.

And the man who was doing everything and anything to prove his love suddenly discovers the vibes and dramas are gone and reality sets in, and all those “vibes and dramas of romantic behaviors” are the love our sister knew but now instead of increasing in marriage, it’s declining. She quickly concludes, “the man does not love me again” and the problem of no love too become a big topic.

All because both parties’ wrongly defined love and submission while courting and now the need for real love and submission becomes a big topic.

So unmarried singles, please learn from our mistakes. Love and submission should be a primary topic of discussion before marriage, else, you will find yourself in the same cycle many married people are struggling to navigate today.

It is possible to have a strong romantic feelings for someone and still not love the person. Sexual compatibility and sexual satisfaction do not define love. Two people can be sexually satisfied with each other and still not love each other enough to get married. That’s why to be sexually connected and satisfied does not always translate to marital love and marital compatibility but marital love can be strained where sexual satisfaction and compatibility is wanting.

We are not talking about love and submission yet, I’m just trying to lay the foundation by stating things most married people have gotten wrong and need to be corrected and things unmarried singles need to watch out for.

Once we have this understanding, dealing with what love and submission is becomes very easy for us all.

Since sexual feelings, romantic attractions, sexual satisfaction and sexual compatibility are not the same as love and submission, even though they can help sustain and boost the bond of love between two people, then what makes marriage work and work well?

No marriage will work and work well without love and submission. They are the two divine ingredients that makes for a great premarital relationship and eventually a great marriage.

And again for emphasis, it is okay I say it again that, it is possible to love someone without any string of romantic feelings, just as it’s possible to have a strong romantic feelings for someone and still not love the person, though we often confuse these things and that’s why many people have ended up with people they only have sexual feelings for, only to wake up in marriage and discover they were “not actually in love” with the person they ended up with and some actually love but sexual feelings are in short supply. All these situations abound in many marriages.

To love and to have strong romantic feelings are two distinct things.

Premarital relationships mostly originated and are sustained by romantic attractions and sexual feelings two people are having towards each other but marital relationship built on these things will collapse in no time. Marriage can’t flourish on romantic feelings alone, though they are great and needed in marriage but are grossly incapable of keeping two people together for long. Only love and Submission can keep marital bond for life. This is the mystery of marriage. A mystery hidden in two mysteries.

What’s Bible understanding of these terms, love and submission, as relevant in premarital relationships and in marriage? The mystery of marriage, the divine understanding and definition of marital bond, and marital joy is hidden in these two other mysteries called Love and Submission.

Then what’s is Bible definition of love and submission in premarital romantic relationship and in marriage?

Let’s start with love.

Remember, I said these two, love and submission, which are secrets of great marital success are mysteries.  Mysteries are hidden truths and hidden knowledge of God kept from the beginning of ages by God, but are now being revealed to us by His Holy Spirit. We will need to depend on Him to explain things to us as best as we can take right now.

The Bible repeatedly asked the man to love his wife and be gentle with her, as a divine template for marital bond. God knew about romantic attractions but it was never a criteria as much as “love your wife” because God knows a man can share his romantic feelings with any woman and even many women but his love can only be focus on one.

This simply means, it is not the will of God for any man to marry a woman just for her body, or for her look and beauty, or because of a strong romantic bond he has created with her but for his readiness to love and cherish her above others.

Here many married men have failed and many more unmarried single men will still make same mistakes. Many have confused romantic attractions to being in love and many will still go through same path without even knowing it and one day discover, how they love to love the woman but how hard it can be, because they married her for her beauty or attractions but not to be loved. It’s a hard reality.

It is possible to have sexual feelings and sexual satisfaction towards a woman, they are involuntary sexual commitments men don’t think much about before doing them because they enjoy them. Involuntary sexual feelings are pleasurable to man. But to love her, especially when the sexual satisfaction and sexual feelings suffer a decline, for whatever reason, is absolutely not normal. No man can truly love a woman without the help of God and without intentionality. Marital love is intentional and impossible without the help of a higher force outside the man himself.

Love is not a feeling. It is the willingness to sacrifice and live to please another in the bond of peace. Now as a man look at the following and sincerely ask yourself if indeed you have loved your wife enough or you may need to make a new commitment to start anew. Men often demand submission while they do not even understand love as expected of the man.

And for the unmarried single man, you need to go through the following as well and ask yourself if you can go this far for the sake of your woman.

Love that is solely defined by romantic feelings can’t stand the tests of marriage.

Men can hardly bear with the insubordination and difficulty of a woman, even when they share strong romantic bond. That’s why to love a woman, is a ministry you will keep learning and growing till perfection is reached. To fail in this is to fail in marriage.

BIBLE DEFINITION OF LOVE

1. Christ is the Standard.

None of us men have reached this end and perfect it and so the need to ask God for help and keep on loving her.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;  

Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.  

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

This is not romantic love, the above is hard work.

You might not understand the first until we learn the next

2. 1 Corinthians 13 sets some standards worth considering in verses 4-8. Please read the verses.

a. Marital love is patient and it should suffer long.

A man’s love for his wife should exceed his erotic feelings towards her, otherwise, at the slightest chance, he will grow tired of her. This is the first test of love, a man that only have romantic feelings but had no love for the woman can NEVER be patient with her. Please note that word NEVER.

b. Marital love is kind.

A man should not treat his wife harshly in words and in actions. Men are generally nice towards a woman during their premarital days because his feelings mostly drives his behaviors towards her, but this is likely going to change without a deliberate intention to be good to her once married. A man that only wants you for your body alone, will only be nice when your body is needed and not after.

All married women wants to be treated nice just as she was dealt with prior to the marriage. This simply means for the unmarried, a man that is not gentle in his approach towards you while single is not meant for you, and don’t waste your time trying to make excuses for him. Patience and kindness are not feelings driven, where no love is, they will be off and on depending on availability of sex or not.

It’s good a man should buy things for his woman, but buying and giving gifts do not fully explain kindness, even though that may be something to be encouraged but the act of buying and giving gifts in itself should not be confused with kindness as an element of love. A man can take you across seven waters and seven mountains in search of best shopping malls, and yet have no love for the woman he’s going all the way for. Kindness is not about shopping in malls and talk-of-the-town restaurants, kindness is far broader and deeper than that. When a man is kind, a wise woman knows.

c. Love does not envy.

A man that loves you will not be threatened by your success. An envious man will do nothing to promote the good of his wife, even though the two may have been blessed with a strong romantic bond. If a woman’s success threatens her husband, it may not be because of her lack of submission, it may actually be rooted in the man’s definition of love. Joseph loved Mary, even though she was more successful with God and angels than him. Her success was not a problem for him. They had strong romantic bond but their love bond was far stronger.

If your gifts, personal endowments, job or look threatens him, while you are not married, don’t expect nothing different from an envious man when you finally tie the marriage bond just because you think you have a good sex life together. It takes love to be kind towards another. You don’t have to be kind to be sexually connected to a woman, but sexual connection is nothing where love is scarce.

d. Love does not boast, it is not proud.

An arrogant, boastful, proud and selfish man cannot be said to be nice and kind. Kindness in little things, is what marital love is all about. A boastful man will never see you as part of his success story, no matter hard you try. To him the woman is just a romantic being and nothing more.

e. Love does not delight in evil especially when things go sour with the relationship, or when there is a challenge that threaten their union.

Going on social media to discuss, expose or disgrace a woman you once said you love, because the relationship no longer works, for whatever reason, is to show where your heart has been all the time. Never confuse emotional connection with love, one is emotional, as a result of biological maturity, while the other is intentional and spiritual. Emotional connection can promote love but love is not needed to be emotionally connected sexually.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. If you have ever rejoiced that your wife, because she won’t follow your advice, found herself in trouble, instead of rallying around her and help her, you have failed this love parameter. Even your Ex that left you because you were poor and later found herself in mess of relationships and still can’t find happiness thereafter, should not be mocked, no matter what. Her leaving led you to your present blessings, your wife and children. Love never rejoice over evil but habituate with the truth in every matter.

f. Love does not dishonour others.

Whoever gives you premarital disgrace and dishonour, will not likely do better in marriage without the help of God.

g. Love is not easily angered.

To be a good married man, patience must be a virtue. Are you praying to be more patience in your dealing with your wife? God will answer your prayers by giving you more opportunities to exercise patience with her. You get patience by being patient.

h. Love keeps no record of wrongs.

Women don’t like it when men constantly reminds them of their past wrongs and former lives in iniquity they were led into by men who took advantage of their submissive nature before God brought light and comfort their way and gave them their homes. Love covers multitudes of evil. If you love her, let her past stay in her past.

i. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, even at the face of personal and marital difficulties, love thrives.

A loving man will cover his woman’s woes and push away her shame. A good man will protect his wife from the abuse of his relatives and cover for her inadequacies as best as his love can help.

j. Love never fails.

Emotions and sexual connections can fail and they always fail but true love cannot fail. Beauty fades and so is feelings based on beauty and shapes. But love is a stream of joy, it flows no matter the physical appeals. Men like beautiful women but the one that is loved, is ever beautiful to her man, no matter the age.

Now looking at all these, how many women can truly say I’m loved and how many men can boldly say, I love my wife? When the Scripture says, husbands love your wives, these things we have talked about are at the center of God’s Will for the married and the family.

If women are to emphasize love, the way men shout, scream and talk about submission, likely there will be less married people than we currently have. God is looking for more men, who will show more love to the women in their lives than many are currently doing.

Women are generally not in short supply of emotional attachment and robust sexual connection and satisfaction from their husbands but very few are actually experiencing love. You know why? Many men, and even the woman herself, in many cases, have confused their strong romantic feelings to mean love towards the woman. Romantic feelings is good but it is not same as love. I believe men are learning.

It is possible to love the woman, just as she’s desired and wanted as an object of pleasure derivable from sweet romantic bonds. That romantic feeling is not love, and she needs to be loved as much as she’s desired. I have a feeling, many men are seeing or hearing this distinction for the first time. Husbands love your wives, says the Lord. This is a mystery and the number one secret of a successful marriage.

We say there are two key secrets of a happy marriage, a marriage pattern after the mind of God, and the secrets are love and submission.

These two mysteries are all that’s required to make a blessed union.

We have talked extensively about LOVE last night as expected of God from the man to his wife.

Next, we will be talking about SUBMISSION by God’s grace.

So let’s start on that note.

As said already, the second secret of a successful marriage and the next mystery of marriage is SUBMISSION.

This is often the most talked about of the two, love and submission. Partly because “it’s a men’s world” as my beloved will say and secondly because the woman is often the least heard. But the Scripture is balanced on God’s expectations for homes and families where Jesus rules. He demands love and submission from every marriage. The man should love and the woman should submit.

What’s the Bible explanation of Submission in marriage when it repeatedly says?

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22.

One reason why the issue of submission has become a controversial topic is because men often try to enforce submission. A woman should not be talked to submit nor forced to submit. Submission should be voluntary and encouraged.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18.  Submission should be done in humility, not just to the man, but as a sacrifice of love to the Lord. When a woman sees submission as a sacrifice of love to the Lord and not just a demand from her husband, submitting to the leadership of her husband become an easy task.

WHAT IS SUBMISSION?

Submission is not making yourself available for sex. Submission is not accepting sexual advances and submitting oneself to sexual desires of the husband in a romantic way. Submission is not giving or submitting your money and property to your husband. Submission is not changing your name and personal receipts, including those of goods and property, to your husband’s name and address. Submission is not changing your church to your husband’s church. Submission is not agreeing with your husband to do evil. Submission is not promoting and helping your husband’s business to succeed. Submission is not abandoning your will, your schooling, resigning your job, cooking your husband’s food, washing his clothes and doing his will without raising question.

These and many more are not the definition of submission, even though a submissive wife will do many of these things, so also will an arrogant wife, if she so wish to. Though an average man sees all these as signs of submissiveness but many have thereafter discovered they were very wrong, submission is much more than all the aforementioned. A submissive wife may do many of those but that a woman is so doing does not make her a submissive wife.

That a woman makes you comfortable whenever you are with her does not make her a submissive wife. Samson often recuse to the comfort of Delilah like a tired warrior who seeks the comfort of his home, but as physically and emotionally appealing Delilah’s bosom was for Samson, her lack of true submission was not without a betraying and devastating consequences for a man who confused emotional flirt with submission.

When a woman is submissive, she’s an emotional comfort for her husband but that should not be confused for submission. In Christian marriage, the man is the head of the union, the wife is not the neck but the CROWN, the beauty and the glory of that union – Proverbs 12:4. The happier the union, the more she shines and the healthier her emotional stability.

Many women see their husbands as their marriage mates, marital colleagues and sexual partners etc. All these are good to promote emotional feelings and bonding but none is correct in the eye of the Bible and all these views are one major reasons Submission is difficult for the modern woman in most part. No one submit willingly to a colleague or a mate or a partner, especially when the age bracket is almost same. These views were strange to marriages before us, especially in days of our parents and grandparents because the age gap between the man and his wife is always wide to disallow the idea of them being marriage mates and such like.

Bible view on submission will be difficult to practice where such understanding is the basis of the union. The wife submit to husband as the church is to Christ. The church never sees Christ as mate, but her Lord, even when He calls her His friend and Joint heir to the power and grace of eternal life. He may be her Husband but also her Lord. The idea of being marriage mates is romantic but can also hamper the divine hierarchy in marriage.

That’s the Bible view of the man in a marriage union. If you have problem with this, you will have problem with the Bible idea of submission in marriage and same in premarital relationships that’s leading to a Jesus centered home.

What is then the Bible definition of Submission?

Submission simply means to subject yourself under someone when you have the power to do otherwise, especially when the age gap is almost zero. It is easier to submit when the man is way older, wiser and far more experienced and educated more than the wife. But where educational qualifications, career status, financial capacity, wisdom and experience is almost same or the woman has a significant lead over her husband in almost all things, then you can understand submission in practical terms and how difficult it can be without God’s help.

Submission is willingly submitting yourself under the rulership of your husband, even when if you chose to do otherwise, he won’t be able to enforce his will on you.

No woman can truly say she understands what submission is when her husband is way richer than her, visibly muscular than her in size and height, more connected than her, more powerful and influential than her, have a well-paid job and far more comfortable financially than her, has the ability to threaten her with other women and she knows she can do nothing to help her case, when he’s abusive and aggressive at the slightest provocation, when he’s loud, proud and have easy access to money. Or he’s way much older.

Submission is not easily define when the man has the upper hand in all things. Submission will not be demanded when the man is the giant in the house and like a mickey-mouse the woman is at his bidding and mercy. You don’t have to ask, she knows submission is required and total. But none of these define the Bible understanding of submission in marriage.

From the Bible perspective, even though a woman in any of the scenario I had painted above can be said to be submissive, but her submission was only necessary and may not be voluntary. If things go the other way round, the story may change. Submission the Bible way, is voluntary, done in humility and respectful even if by chance the tide should change in her favour, she will still allow her husband to rule with pride in his own house.

A woman cannot be said to be submissive until she has the opportunity to ride her husband and she joyfully refuse to take the chance, that is Christ inspired submission, Who in his sovereigness has the chance and the opportunity to assume equality with God, but chose the path of humility and servitude to God, The Father – Philippians 2:4-7. Just as a man cannot be said to be loving until riches and comfort attends his efforts and yet stay tune to the need and emotional comfort of his wife, bonding only to her sexually, emotionally, spiritually and yet stays contented, satisfied, happy and committed to His God.

Submission begins in premarital relationships. I will say to the unmarried, if you consider him your mate, colleague and you even know he has nothing superior enough to demand your respect, your reverential fear, and sufficient enough to command your submitting to his headship and rulership, please don’t marry him. Your marriage will lack the needed peace and stability, even when you don’t have problem making love and procreating.

Its one thing to make babies together, it’s another to raise children together. Where love and submission is scanty, raising children together seamlessly is almost impossible. Marriage don’t work where love and submission is suffering, and when marriage suffers, raising children together is almost impossible. One vital reason children are not so much interested in parents’ profession of faith is because in practical terms, love and submission have not really been part of their parents’ marriage stories. Children know when parents are barely managing each other marriage wise.

Submission is real when a woman stays humble and subject herself to her husband’s rule, even though she’s the richer party in her home, the giant that tower high above her husband, the famous and more popular of the two, the one with the well-paying job, the richer, older in age etc. and in all these submit herself to her man as unto the Lord.

Just as you can’t truly define how deep a man love his wife, until he’s blessed, rich and established and still stays with his wife and cherish her. So is the woman until she has an advantage that place her in a higher level than her husband, you may not know how humble she is.

You can’t say she’s submissive until opportunity to rise over and above her husband presents itself and she choose to be respectful and considerate in all her dealings with her man, you can’t really say she’s a submissive wife.

With this understanding we can now appreciate injunctions like “wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord”, even when you do otherwise, he (the husbands) has little or no power to enforce the rule over you. Submission is willingness to subject oneself under the man, to be junior to him, to serve him, to let his ideas be supreme even when yours are better than his and you are better placed than him, yet, in all these, to humbly submit your all to him and make him your lord, and the head, after God over you and everything that’s yours.

Submitting to the rulership and headship of a man should have nothing to do with his money, his status in the society, his property, his fame, the figure in his bank balance, not even his age etc. Just the fact that he’s the husband is all that’s needed. These things may influence romantic attractions but are grossly incapable of putting marital love and submission in hearts that are devoid of them. Submission is a willing sacrifice of love to the Lord and it depends not on his readiness to love you or not. Just submission as unto the Lord, as a godly man is so expected to love his wife, even when she’s submissive or not.

Areas where love and submission are expected to show forth in marriage include:

(i.) In our behavior and conduct. A proud attitude will negate all professions of love and submission.

(ii.) In serving each other. Relationship and marriage is about serving and providing services to one another in the bond of grace and love. To the unmarried I say, a woman you can’t love enough to serve, you should please not marry, and likewise, to the woman, a man you know is not worth serving and submitting to, please don’t marry him.

Marrying a woman you can’t love, or a man you can’t submit to, will make your marriage a colossal mess. Please don’t do it, even if you feel strongly attached romantically. That won’t be enough to help your marriage. Only two secrets can keep two people in marriage and make for a working union: Love and Submission.

It is possible to have a romantic relationship, cohabit together and do “fine” as long as no marriage is involved, love and submission will not be a problem. But as soon as marriage takes place, love and submission becomes relevant and necessary. You don’t have to talk about it, they will show up naturally. That’s how God made marriage to work.

This is why before marriage, two loving people will have the best of relationship as long as the extra responsibility of love and submission is not part of their lives…but once married, no one can dodge these two key secrets in marriage and still get it right.

(iii.) In Giving. Where there is love and submission, giving become easy. Giving include anything and everything that will help their union and makes for better bonding romantically and emotionally.

(iv.) In love making. Love and submission may not be romantic and emotional but neither can do well where romantic and emotional bonding is zero. Wherever there is love and submission, love making will be sweet, rewarding and regular as best as it is physically possible. Love making is part of giving, helping to make the other person feel sexually satisfied and happy. Sex do happen where there is no love and submission but a marriage where there is love and submission won’t relegate love making to the background, as long as the two are biologically okay.

I don’t know why God attached these two secrets, especially the second one, Submission, to the success of marriage, the Christian marriage in particular, especially in an age where equality and partnership with equal privileges and rights define modern views.

But God is not modern and neither are His word, and so is the working marriage union that are pattern after His mind.

(v.) In respect and honour. A man that loves his wife will honour her both in the public and in their private moments. Likewise, a submissive wife will respect her husband. Where the woman have no regard nor respect for the man, submission is irrelevant and impossible. Reverential respect is one major way men measure how much the wife submit to him. If you see him as your mate, colleague or marriage partner rather than the head of your union and the most important human leader there is for you and the children, then you may find reverential respect and submission an issue in your marriage.

A man that cannot correct you, lead you, direct you and whose word is not law to you, then he cannot as same time be your husband, even though you live under the same roof. Submission is hard but it’s very rewarding. God do reward obedience to His command if we believe and obey.

Women must note that it’s not the man that ask for submission, it’s her God that makes it a demand and a part of her service and sacrifice of devotion to Him as God. Every act of submission is first of all to God, before it is to the man, either he’s deserving or not, it matters not to God as your obedience.

(vi.) In words. Words hurts when spoken carelessly and so, it is the married lovers responsibility to watch and sieve words before they are spoken, less we tear down with our own hands things the Lord has committed to our care. Nothing else fits this description than the matter of love and submission in our marriages. Where words are coarse without visible efforts to make things right, love and submission cannot be said to be there.

(vii.) In preferring one another. Where love and submission is, nothing will be done in self-glorification. We will live to please God and your second half.

The above statement will likely give you a closer understanding of the scriptures below….

1 Corinthians 7:32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 

7:33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 

7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

Once married, love and submission, your better half and God are all that matters.

If you do all these, the world might call you names, tag you a fool, or even worse, but if our ways please God and we are found to be busy and engaged in His Will, loving and submitting one to another, nothing else count, both in heaven above and on earth beneath. Shalom!

Contribution:

Mrs. Ayoola-Olumofin Comfort:

Submission is service to God, hmm.

My Response:

Yes, just as a man loving his wife is first of all a service to God, before it is to the woman.

Until we see it so, no man will ever stay faithful to a woman.

It’s a sacrifice of obedience and devotion to God to love the wife of your youth.

Mrs Amodeni Hellen:

For instance if my husband ask me to do something and I know that thing is wrong should I go ahead to do it because I need to submit to him or what should I do?

My Response:

That depends on your definition of wrong. Is it wrong because it goes against your faith or just because you didn’t like the idea?

If it’s against your faith, the answer is No, but wisdom and care must be taken in passing your opinion to him respectfully, otherwise, he may misrepresent your intention as being arrogant and disrespectful.

On the other hand, if you consider something wrong for whatever reason that is not faith related, then you two have to talk about it and the manner you argue your case and present your case will go a long way in determining his reaction.

It has been discovered that married women are more careful and tender in explaining their opinion to their bosses at work than the man at home.

If you treat him with respect and honour, you may get more from him than you can ever imagined.

Submission is not slavery, it’s a form of humility to God and not just to him.

Mr Femi Afe:

And are there not women that are far influencer than their men yet submit totally with humble heart?

My Response:

Yes, there are many, women who are very submissive to their husbands irrespective of the qualities or physical attributes or societal gains he (the husbands) possesses. Such women just loves their families and their God and so relates with their husbands as unto the Lord. There are many women like that.

Though in comparison to the generality of their gender, believers or not, their number may fades into insignificant few. Nonetheless, God still have witnesses in a rebellious world who still keep the old fashioned marriage rules and hierarchy as ordained by God, just as there are men who loves their wives and are committed to them, either they are better placed than them or not. They just love God and strives to keep their families God’s way, as best as grace and humility avails them.

*This lecture was originally delivered on the 3pG Interactive Telegram Page in a Joint session online class for married members of the ministry and members of the 3pG School for the Singles Whatsapp group on 14^th and 15^th April 2023.