The Man and His Wife (Part 2)

ANGER MANAGEMENT

How has it been with you and your spouse? What are the practical solutions that can help you, as the head of the family, manage your temper and negative emotions?

It happened years ago, when my wife and I were barely 6 months into our marriage. I was young, naive and knew very little about the difference between married life and the exciting life of two unmarried people in love. Now I know that between those two is a gap one as wide as the North is from the South, that nothing can bridge; except agape love, patience, and maturity wrapped in the grace of God.

I had noticed some unsolicited quarrels and unnecessary fights between us, that couldnt be explained at the time. One day, I came back from work tired, hungry, and expecting food to be servebut nothing, so I asked her – only to be told there was no food. Before I could say a few words, although in anger; my equally angry wife, with bottled hot emotions from previously unresolved quarrels, outshone me with her hot angry verbal expressions.

In a bid to exert my authority as head of the family, and unwilling to permit her to outdo me, I stood up and said so many unprintable words that I wont bother you with. I almost raised my hands to her, but I thank God that I never did – the guilt would have killed me.

I left in anger, vowing to put an end to the marriage; but thank God that I discussed with a friend, who gave me some advice that worked. Many years later, even as I write, I still regret all those words spoken in anger. I resolved that it would never happen again – that was the only time we ever had it that rough, and that will be the last time. Once in a while, we do have our petty differences – but never with that sort of angry outburst.

Maybe mine was bettermany were not as bad, but the centre could no longer hold because multiple bursts of anger had been the norm in the house.

To cut off anger and hot emotions, I have learnt to shift ground. Nothing will work, if as men we don’t sometimes see things from the womans perspective. This number “9” can be a nine or six, depending on which side you are looking from.

We must ask God in prayers to help – many men have destroyed their marriages, almost to the point of no repair, due to regular uncontrolled bursts of anger.

Another thing I know that also helps, apart from praying for yourself, is to regularly pray for your wife. I don’t know how that works, but I do know from experience that the more you pray for your wife, the better she becomes and the less you get angry with her.

Children raised in anger-filled marriages hardly find happiness in the little things of life, and may in turn become human toxins lying in wait for a future spouse. No man wants that for his child.

Anger can be controlled with the help of Holy Spirit, if we sincerely ask Him for help.

A man’s spiritual maturity is not determined by his age, but rather by his ability to manage anger – especially when provoked by his wife. Anger makes men do foolish things and take foolish decisions, without considering how these will affect the children. Avoid that pitfall.

Human beings will always make each other angry, but mind your utterances and your actions when you get angry – don’t listen to demons that encourage things to degenerate into physical abuse. If you have ever physically abused your wife, you owe her an apology; and it doesn’t matter who was right. It will take maturity and humility to do that.

Don’t enter into an argument with a woman. Youre unlikely to win; and even if you do win, it may be at the expense of personal or marital peace.

If your family is unsettled, you cause your children to worry and feel inferior to those from happy homes. Children need happy hearts for happy performance in school and life.

Olumofin, Kehinde Benjamin writes for Praying Parents Prayer Group Christian Ministry (3pG).