By OLUMOFIN Kehinde Benjamin

There have been cases of an unmarried partner sending the other one to school, or to learn trade or help established a business. Now year passed, after graduation, or when business has boomed and all seem to be fine, the receiving partner suddenly discovered the spending partner is not a fit into his/her life and so the need to ‘technically’ reject the person for whatever reason and the relationship crashed land.

Based on our last lecture, what will you advice the partner that’s been rejected after spending so much and for so long? And what will you advice potential partner’s who might be contemplating such moves in the future?

My Response:

If anyone on this page have suffered the type of rejection described here, I sincerely empathize with him/her. How I wish I can help reverse the situation but no man can. Only God can heal and cure such emotional trauma….its a deep wound but it can be cure, if we allow the Spirit of Grace to have His full course. He knows how to rewards in ways mouth cannot explained.

And as advised by previous contributions on the page….please read them and go ahead believing with all your heart, the best is not over yet.

That being said, my main counsel goes to those who haven’t been in that situation…but are likely going to go same direction. To think you are immune and cannot do same and even more (or worse from both side) for a potential spouse is to think too high of yourself and possibly because you have never being in love before. If you truly fall in love, believe me, you will do anything and I mean anything. So this is my advice…

1. Before embarking on any commitment of a major magnitude with a potential spouse, please seek advice. When in love it is easy to lose guard, only those who have truly fall in love can understand this. That’s why I say anybody can fall to this things, and because you know you don’t too know much, ask for counselling from those who have gone before, preferably a matured Christian.
2. All love relationship is 50/50. Never assumed a relationship will automatically ends in marriage, so you commits blindly to it. Its 50/50. People fall in love and they sometimes get more matured and discovered there is no much sense about it, and grow out of it.

Its wrong to break promises and it is also wrong to live in obvious misery just to keep an old “promise” made in ignorant. As long as bride price is not paid, all love relationship is 50/50. f you have that mind you will pray more, behave wiser and seek counselling betimes.

3. Give to your lover things you know you can afford to let go, if for any reason, the matter did not end in marriage.

Mind the way you invest time, money, your body, your emotions and other priceless resources until you are almost sure you are certain marriage is ALMOST certain. So invest valuable resources wisely. That’s’s why I emphasized counselling.

So please, don’t invest important resources you know you won’t easily let go or move ahead with life without. How should that be done? Before you invest heavily into a potential partner, ask yourself, if this did not work out or end in marriage, will I be able to move on with my life and still be okay?

Now your answer to that question is very important. Oh! He/she promise never to betray me..,.yes, but still answer that question within yourself first. And if your answer is NO, please don’t go ahead with the investment. My take though!

Should lovers stop helping themselves? That’s not the point here. Love without mutual giving and receivig is NOTHING, you can’t say you love when you don’t give but please give what you know you can go ahead with life without any regret or emotional damage, if for any reason the center no longer hold.

I have had to deal with many people whose past love lost have denied and still denying them their very being and robbing them of the present joy in their families…many of whose spouses are not even aware of the secret emotional battles they fight within themselves. Those who are in that shoe, please let go of the pains, as difficult as that may be. That other person is living his/her life, live yours too and enjoy your present, believe God to heal the past and hope for the best the future holds.

And to those who haven’t gone through the kind of situation we are dealing with, please play safe and love with your common sense intact. Don’t give what you cannot do without when lost, including your time and all vital resources.

I believe I’m understood. May God bless you with wisdom to do that which is right. Amen!

Written by OLUMOFIN Kehinde Benjamin, Group Admin, 3pG Christian Ministry and President, Fellowship of the Married and Matured Singles.