A BUSY MAN AND A LONELY WOMAN

Genesis  39:5-6 “And it came to pass from the time that he had made him overseer in his house, and over all that he had, that the LORD blessed the Egyptian’s house for Joseph’s sake; and the blessing of the LORD was upon all that he had in the house, and in the field. And he left all that he had in Joseph’s hand; and he knew not ought he had, save the bread which he did eat. And Joseph was a goodly person, and well favoured.”

Though much was not expected from an idol serving Egyptian husband, but the reason for his failure will surprise you. It wasn’t because he was an idol worshiper, sold and enslaved to the many gods and goddesses of Egypt and Pharaohs. Those may have contributed to his woes in some other ways but for the purpose of this lecture, one other area attract our attention and we must learn of we don’t want our families to fall into same fate like his. What was Potiphar error, simply put, he was a busy husband who care less about happenings at home, he was totally oblivious of his wife needs, especially with a trusted and mature steward like Joseph handling the family business and internal affairs. Joseph was in charge of everything in Potiphar household, he knew nothing about his own family affair except the food he ate, as at the time his was eating it.

For Potiphar wife, Joseph was the husband that she can see and feel. He knew when she’s happy or sad, in her moments of strength or weakness, there is just only one presence she can count on and that was Joseph. He was the father the children knew, Mr. Potiphar was always busy, consumed with his business and palace affairs he doesn’t have the time to deal with his home front and he has no need of fear, Joseph was deputizing well for him. All the while he was away, he has no fear of loss, as a matter of fact, God was blessing him because of Joseph and that compounded his problem.

Everything Joseph touched turned to gold, Potiphar became large and prosperous with Joseph at the helm of affairs, he willingly handed over all he had to him, except his wife, but that was only in statement. In reality Joseph was managing everything, Potiphar and his wife included. Potiphar was never aware of his wife basic needs, he became outdated on his wife emotional and material needs. Whatever happens, he knew Joseph will fix it. When there is no provision, only one man has the answer and he was Joseph. When the children fell sick, only one “father” was always available, on any issues that borders her mind, there was only one confidant, one gist partner that was always not too busy to listen and he was Joseph.

Only one person remembers the children and madam birthdays, daddy work so hard to provide the money but it was Joseph that helped put the resources to good use, he was like the driver or the junior staff from dad’s office in many homes, who took care of the children school fees, attend PTA meetings and special events in the children schools, dad himself was never available, too busy to drive madam to the market, at least once a while, family outings and visits to park was never completed without this special staff. He is the family organizer and planner, he does everything Mr. Potiphar would not do for his wife and children. To put it in simple term, Joseph was the real husband Potiphar wife knew. Though low in status but he was available and caring, it was a matter of times, her affection was shifting to the man that was more of a husband than the one that paid her bride price and disappeared afterwards.

I have heard of drivers, chefs, best friends and uncles who stole the hearts of madams simply because the husbands were too busy to point of almost forgotten they have wives at home and when things backfired they then suddenly remember they are the men in the family and like Adam they can blame everybody for their woes except themselves. You can’t always be 100% blameless whenever your spouse go wrong. There must be something you are doing or you fail to do, that fuel that misbehavior. It takes humility to find that out. It take humility to apologize when wrong. As much as it is expected that the wrong party should accept responsibility and apologize to God and to his/her spouse, the other person too must find out where he/she has helped the enemy to gain access to the family and makes amend. Never allow anyone, no matter how close to out care for your spouse more than you do.

Yes, there are spouses who no matter how much the partner makes them comfortable and loved, that won’t stop them going the Madam Portiphar way, that’s demonic, manipulative and such really need help, intense prayers and counselling upon showing willingness to be helped through repentance. But no one should be condemned without fair considerations, no behavior is isolated, something always lead to something. And in many occasions, things would have gone differently if those concerned have played their individual God given roles correctly.  That is no excuse to blame people as the cause of our misdeeds, everyone must take responsibility for his/her actions.

There are homes the driver, or gateman or husband younger brother or uncle or husband best friend or the neighbor next door or the cook, are the one doing the role of a husband and father to the children than the man of the house himself. He pays the bills, provided the money and even in abundant but too encumbered with stuff and left his family in the cold, especially the wife. He’s never available, always in a hurry to go out, even when he’s home, business calls, documents and files from office will still rob his family of the tenderness and care his presence should give them. It is a matter of time, the male figure doing his role at home, it doesn’t matter the social status, will walk into the hearts of his wife and children unhindered and by the time affections is built up unchecked over a long period the inevitable will begin to happen.

We often blame Potiphar’s wife as a devil sent agent to destroy Joseph destiny, as logical as that may sound, what else will a lonely unbelieving woman would have done? Even the best of women will fail under such a heavy emotional wreck. A woman abandoned by the most important man in her life, a man that cares for nothing except for his food, a man whose is never at home, a man who cares for his business, his career, and for his job far more than he cares for his wife and children? Only few women, and that by God’s special grace would have done differently under same conditions Mrs. Potiphar found herself. Every woman deserve the unflinching love and support of a man, for Mrs. Potiphar, Joseph was the only man that care, though his love was just out of duty, but it meant so much for her, all because Mr. Potiphar care less about his home.

This is not to excuse the action of Potiphar’s wife, neither do I want to demonize her. A lonely, isolated, love starved woman is a ready tool in the devil’s hand. Joseph was just unfortunate to be the man around as at the time. We are social being, we are not made to survive alone, living your spouse to be love starved, abandoned and uncared for, is handling her/him, howbeit unwillingly, for the enemy’s to be use in the destruction of some innocent lives out there and when the deed is done, the family pay the bill.  Enough of hipping all the blame on Madam Potiphar, her approach was wrong (we will talk more on this in later discussion in this series) but Mr. Potiphar was the remote cause.

Joseph was a victim of marital discord and lack of affection that was allowed to go for too long. Potiphar, as good and trusting as he was, was a very bad husband. Eventually, Joseph rejected madam offer, out of fear for Jehovah and goodwill for the man that gave him everything, a disappointed wife, who just suffered double rejection, first from the husband that was too busy to care and then from the slave who in her mind was like a husband she’s not married to, in response she reported to her husband she was mistreated by his trusted slave. One will expect Potiphar to do some personal reflection on how he may have contributed and ask where and what went wrong for such events to take place in his house, he instead punish a faithful servant unfairly and possibly appointed another servant who for sure will do madam biding and may be one day, if Potiphar eyes got opened to his foolishness, without doubt his family and children would have been too fragmented for any last remedy to work.

A man that deputize his emotional and spiritual roles to another is like a sheep handling her lambs to breastfeed with the cubs of a nursing wolf. Never drag your luck too far, money and provisions is not everything, your family needs you, your wife in particular wants you around sometimes, don’t make her waits for too long. May God speak more to your hearts on this in Jesus Name. Amen