MARRIAGE AND LOVE MAKING

The act of love making does not necessarily start on the bed. if you want your spouse to be romantic at night with you, set the machinery in place during the day. For example, leave a little note in his breast pocket or her purse before leaving the house in the morning telling him/her you will be available to pleasure him/her later that day or give him a call during work hours telling him/her the special him/her you fell in love with and that you can’t wait to have him/her to yourself all over again. You can also send him a picture of your new beautiful hairdo, a picture of how great you look in your new dress, your new suit or that tie she loves so much or that new shirt she got for you, especially when he/she admired the same before leaving the house for work in the morning. We both owe each other this show of affection and a once in a while an unexpected call or text to say “I’m just checking on you” can make a lot of romantic sense. Calls and texts should not be limited to when there are family emergencies or some other family matter to attend to. That will make your love life boring, static and unexciting.

Ladies, get good colourful lingerie set and let your man fall in love with you again. They don’t have to be expensive, they only need to be neat and attractive. Make dinner a bit more interesting with some candles and fresh flowers where they are available and you can afford them. Eat dinner early so both of you will be fit for a good love making time, you can keep a light refreshment as a back up in case either of the party gets hungry later on. These are some ways you can spice up your sex life and it can differ from family to family. It is our duty to find out things that freshen up our spouses sexual drive and seek to do whatever we can to keep our union healthy, happy and alive. Too many couples are getting too busy with things that add little or nothing to their love life, and some of these can be legitimate issues expected of us, like parenting and making money for the family. As good as these or any other like them may be, they are supposed to be things that unite us as man and wife and not the other way round.

We must deliberately work on closing the gaps that may be created as a result of these things, less the enemy takes advantage of our ignorance. You can make it a family style that you have your bath together; or stay by the door and gist while the other person has his/her bath or is in the convenience room. it’s a good way to turn each other on (where you have the luxury of space, time and privacy) and that way you remind him/her you are still very much in love with him/her despite many physical changes that years of marriage and parenting have brought on you both. Nothing give a woman more sense of personal security than to know her husband is still very much in love with her body despite so many changes that marriage, age and family life has brought her way. To constantly and regularly complain about her look and structure is to decide to kill her bit by bit and I think this is true for men too but the woman is more sensitive to talks about her body. If you have things or way of life, like her eating habits, dressing sense and fashion taste you are not comfortable with, you have to find ways of communicating your observations to her in a loving and caring manner without killing her spirit or drive her to start doing things as if she’s competing with someone out there.

Whatever goes on in your family is first and foremost to promote peace and love in your home, making your space suitable for the Spirit of Christ and for the overall benefits of your children, anything else is unimportant. Once this is your goal, achieving few changes in the way we look and dress won’t be a cause for concern. Once your spouse, especially the woman is assure her love won’t be traded for another and she has no fear of another competitor within her space, any wise woman will do whatever that’s in the book to keep her family. Jesus family is a happy family and romance is an inseparable part of a happy family. It was easy for a pagan king to see through the cover up of Isaac when she says Rebecca was his sister. He saw Isaac having ‘sport’ with Rebecca and he knew by experience, that kind of romantic play can only happens between two people deeply in love.

Learn to take your selves out occasionally on romantic dinner or set your dinner table in a way that suggest your desire for sex and in manner your spouse can decode your intention. The children might see that new look at the dinner table but they won’t be able to come to term with what’s on your mind since they won’t understand you in the first place. When the children are not coming yet, you can do this as romantic and suggestive as it can be, your spouse knows that once it is a special meal time, it will also have to be a special bed time and the romance can begin with some flirty touches beginning from the dinner table. How it end and where it end that night is for both of you to decide, so far you have your fill of love. However, this can vary a little where you have children running round your table or you have dependants living with you. Where this is the case, you both can agree on simple verbal terms, or signs or some other agreed codes that you can discuss openly and the children won’t be able to see through your plan. Such signs or words can change and be improved on from time to time. Having such secrets between you two can also add to your feelings for each other. For example, your signs can be eating from the same plate if you are the type that eat separately. So anytime mommy religiously wait to eat with daddy, he knows that’s a sign “I want to be with you tonight”. The children won’t get to decode that so easily once you have agreed on it and the man too can find ways to tell his wife his readiness for her advances. These and many more will set you in the mood for a lovely night with your spouse,

Don’t wait on your spouse to be the only one making sexual advances at all time, making and decoding new signs all the time and initiating love making all the time. It gets boring and monotonous with time and that’s not good for your family. This is especially true for women, yes we have so much to do to keep the family running and the burden of parenting is heavier on us than on the men, nevertheless, we owe ourselves the pleasurable enjoyment and nerve relaxing freshness that come with love making. We are wives first before we became a mother, none should overlap negatively on the other, rather the two ends can compliment each other for the overall benefit of our marriage and the men too should be available for moral support and physical assistance and help where and when necessary in all domestic affairs.

The woman should learn to dress sexily for her man at night and make yourself attractive to him, after all he is your husband. Call a spade a spade while having sex. Compliment each other when either of you is feeling well and politely tell him/her and teach him/her how to give you pleasure in bed. Do not have a timetable for sexual intercouse and love making is not just for baby making, sex is to be enjoyed and procreation should be the blessing of a loving union. You don’t have to put off the light every time you make love, sex should not be reduce to event that’s is meant only for the dark, instead you can just dim the light during intimacy and nothing is wrong with day light sexual activity with your spouse when time and chance permit you both. Men are moved by what they see and women are likely to respond better to what they hear. So husband let your wife know she is beautiful and that you love her.

Good foreplay is a prerequisite for a good and intimate sexual intercourse. Men please don’t ‘rape’ your wives, allow her enough time to get ready before going all the way. Achieving an erection in a man is not a difficult issue when the mind is willing but getting most women vaginal wet and ready for penetration takes a longer time and this is the essence of good fore play. Either of the couple could take the lead during sex and the role can be interchanged at intervals (Ladies don’t worry about being submissive here). The goal of every sexual intimacy with your spouse should be to give each other pleasure. Men please don’t be selfish take your wife along in pleasure, ask her if she is enjoying it, if not please ask her how she want it and serve her right. If you do it right, she will likely want to repeat the experience in no distant time.

A lot of we women are giving up on our intimate time with our spouses because no matter how much we try, our spouses will reach orgasm within 2 minutes of sexual intercouse and he is asleep within 10 minutes of the whole act. We can help each other lean how to wait for each other in mutual satisfaction. Sexual intercourse does not end after ejaculation or ectasy. Talk with each other, hold each other and if possible clean each other up. Don’t get up immediately after a good sex and start acting like nothing happened. You don’t drink from your own well in a hurry. We should endeavour to learn our spouses sensitive sexual spots, for example the mouth, the earlobes and back of the ears, the nipples of the breasts and it is important to know which of the two breasts is more sensitive. Where either of the spouse is not sure of the spouse sensitive areas; please be sure to ask and there is nothing wrong telling your spouse where those sensitive spots are on your bodies, even before asking. Waiting for him/her to discover those spots on his/her own might take too long than expected for some people and the wait can be very frustrating.

Proper and personal hygiene is very important before and after sex for example brushing of teeth, grooming of the private regions and most importantly hand washing. Please do not stimulate your woman with dirty fingers so she wouldn’t pick up germs that can cause serious infections that can later predispose her to some types of cancer. Where there are medical concerns in both parties like quick ejaculation, frigidity,. recurrent infections and painful sexual intercourse in the woman (virginism) please seek medical help and do not be ashamed to discus with your medical personnel on issue that affect your sexual life. The Lord bless and keep our homes.

Abiola Olowe-Mustapha is a practicing Nurse and the chief Matron in a Lagos based Hospital and she writes for Praying Parents Prayer Group Christian Ministry (3pG).