BAD HUSBANDS IN THE BIBLE AND WHY THEY FAILED

Husband 2. LOT

Genesis 19:15 “And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city.  19:16 And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the LORD being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city.”

Lot would have easily passed as a good father but a later event spoiled that record for him. He was a righteous man, at least that was what the Holy Spirit by inspiration called him – 2 Peter 2:7-8, but his righteousness was not enough to help his family till the end. It is difficult to be a good father without first of all be a good husband. Children of a beloved wife are more stable character wise than the children of the hated. An emotionally unstable woman can’t raise emotionally stable children. In the law of nature like beget like. When you loved your wife, and she knows you loved her, you have done that woman a great benefit but the greater good goes to the children. Children feel secure, confident and feel protected when they lived with happy parents who are visibly in love. Children loved it when their father treats them second in line of love to their mother. It is said the best gift a man can give his children is to love their mother.

God is very meticulous with words, He doesn’t say what he didn’t mean and He mean whatever He says. He’s never careless with words; He uses the appropriate and exact word for the right occasion. An example is the one in our text for Lot as an example of a bad husband. “And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city. And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the LORD being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city” – Gen. 19:15-16. It was a very specific instruction that goes deep to the very heart of God’s will for all God centered marriages.

It’s a very simple sequence, though hardly obeyed in many homes. The man must lead, then his wife and the children follow from behind them. The husband first, closely followed hand in hand with the wife and then the children. Even when Lot’s was taking time to do the needful, the angel took hold of his hand, the Lord being merciful to him, then took the hand of the wife and then the children and helped them to escape. If the messengers were human being, they would have prioritize the children safety first, then the woman and lastly the man, but that was not the way of God.

Remember the man is the custodian of the family vow, the covenant that held them as one. God care most about the covenant, so the bearer must first be dealt with, then those attached to him by marriage and birth. The others were saved because God had mercy on the man, not the reverse order. The angel helped the man, then helped safe the wife and children to safety. How different man can be from God. Humans attached sentiment to things, human order would have saved the children and wife first and the husband last, as a matter of fact, there will be no need to hold the man’s hand, he should be man enough to take care of himself but the angels understood human nature, that humans get distracted very readily, so living Lot alone to follow from behind while they securely hold the wife and children can jeopardize the covenant and this Lot was ignorant of when he was left alone with the wife and two daughters.

It also worth noting that the angel knew their limits, the red line they must not crossed while delivering Lot’s and family from impending doom, they knew it’s wrong to stray presumptuously into another person’s duty. It was the man duty to safe his family, not the angels. Their mandate was to safe the man, other members of his household benefited because the man was favoured, God had mercy on him. They took hold of him and then his family. It is a great spiritual disorder to stray uninvited into another man’s duty, in the Old Testament, it carries the physical death penalty. In the new, the rules had not changed, Jesus did not abolished the principles that held the Law of Moses, He rather uphold it. The Apostles warns believers these ways:

Romans 12:7 Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;  

1 Peter 4:10  As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.  

1 Peter 4:11  If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.

None of us is called into the ministry of omniscient, where you can be everywhere and in everything. Stay within your call, and appreciate the call of God on others, there are limits in grace. It is more blessed to obey divine order than to stray ignorantly into the call and ministry of others presumptuously. Many believers and their ministries are spiritually dead, just because they did not reverence the call and gifts of God upon others. Man’s methods has never and can never justify God’s will.

This was the major error of Lot, that make him a bad husband, instead of holding his wife, secure a firm hold on her first and foremost, and then the children, Lot held his daughters firmly and left the wife to her fate. He must have thought she’s old enough to take care of herself, forgetting that human get distracted easily when left unmonitored. Many men are guilty of this, running the spiritual race alone thinking the wife is following behind but alas, she’s been slowed down by distractions unknown to the man (there are families where it is the woman that is running ahead, and the man is held down by distracting forces from behind, that’s a topic for another day).

If any of them, including Lot the custodian of his family covenant before God, were capable of doing fine without divine assistant, the angel wouldn’t have held their hands and drag them to safety outside the city walls. The angel handed over to him, hoping he will keep the line of order that brought them that far but Lot let his wife down, he taught she was knowledgeable enough to hold on, but without a link to the covenant (which was Lot) she was empty, exposed and vulnerable.

Lot wife did not make it, she was severed from her source, her link to the covenant that God was working with, only the girls were hooked, and only they got saved along with their father. If Lot had maintained the sequence used by the angel and he had held his wife hand firmly and the girls holding on either sides of their mother or father, the wife wouldn’t have looked back, the covenant of mercy that was working on Lot would have prevented her and preserved the family. Soon the absence of the mother became a recipe for disaster in the family of Lot. No man can be a father and a mother at the same time, it’s a difficult task to take especially when her absence is due lack of respect for divine arrangement.

It must be your wife first before the children. No man can possibly be a good father without first of all be a loving husband. God work with order and once a principle is not obeyed, one cannot at the same time enjoy the benefits attached to the principle. As long as a man prefer his children to his wife, in disregard to the divine order and covenant of marriage, discord and disaster is never wanting. Divine orderliness may sound foolish, especially in the light of modernity and advance technology but if the covenant must work it must be husband > wife > children in that order, any other alternative arrangement is ungodly and human.

Ephesians 5:23, 25, 33

5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Let go back to the basis as spelt out in the scriptures and the benefits will come pouring down like rain. May God speak more to your hearts on this in Jesus Name. Amen

Olumofin Kehinde Benjamin writes for Praying Parents Prayer Group Christian Ministry (3pG).