HOW TO ACCEPT APOLOGY AND GIVE FORGIVENESS

We began this title IMPORTANCE OF APOLOGY AND FORGIVENESS IN A RELATIONSHIP last week and we saw the topic from the perspective of the one giving apology and asking for forgiveness. We used the story of Joseph and his brethren as our case study, emphasizing the fact that the lessons and principles in their stories can apply in all relationships as well. And this week, we hope to look at the title from the side of the one receiving apology and giving forgiveness in a given relationship.

Using the same story therefore, let’s us consider how to accept apology and give forgiveness in a relationship.

Reading from Genesis chapter 45, after series of tests Joseph threw the way of His brethren, he eventually “made himself known unto” them (verse 1).

Expectedly, the brothers, seeing the one they once derided “we shall see what will become of his dreams” (Genesis 37:20) in glory and honour far beyond dreams, “they were troubled at his presence” (Genesis 45:3) and so lost courage and strength for apology. They were fear stricken. Sometimes, people realized how wrong they were on a matter that had ended or I troubled a fine relationship but the fear or shame or what benefit, if any at all, their apology will serve in an already spoiled relationship, or the combinations of all these may make them see no need to apologize where or when they ought to.

Fear can do terrible things in people’s lives and can hinder precious progresses if allowed to hold one in bondage. Joseph brethren were star-struck and became dumbed standing before the brother they sold into Oblivion. He knew they were afraid for their lives, they were far from the protective arms of their father, Jacob. They knew without the mercy of Joseph, guilty as they were, the wrath of “almighty” Pharaoh of Egypt was hanging over them. Joseph too was not unaware of this, the Egyptians had him cried aloud, and they must have wondered what could be wrong with their beloved prince, second only to their human-god king, Pharaoh. That was why Joseph (Genesis 45:1) kept all his guards and palace staff off his chamber before making himself known to his brothers. If it ever came to Pharaoh ear they were traitors, no one of the brothers would have left Egypt alive.

Medieval kings have no mercy for traitors. The brothers were not unaware of these facts, and so with a heavy sense of guilt, kept their mouths closed while Joseph did all the talking and grieved seeing his brothers. So instead of engaging his sword and demands for a forced apology, he understood their plight, and saw things in the light of grace, that he’s alive and well and he spoke kind words to them.

“Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life.” (Genesis  45:5). He assuaged their fears and assured them of his love. Sometimes, God will gives opportunity for us to be like Joseph, having the power of words over those that have wronged us, and it seems the tides have all turned around in our favour when an ex who left without a good reason suddenly appear before us stricken all over with guilt or a friend that once betrayed our trust came like someone who is awe stricken and power seems to have shifted our ways.

At that point, it behoves a grateful soul to used words carefully. Word washing and tongue lashing a soul already beaten with guilt will do no much good and God expect a graceful life to utter graceful words when a “prodigal” friend come knocking. No matter how right you might have lived your life, always remember there is someone you too have never apologized to, for whatever reasons, including the fact that you didn’t know you erred and the person was hurt or you possibly even have forgotten the event ever happened. So the need to be graceful and understanding when you find yourself playing the roles of Joseph in a soiled relationship.

So, kindly don’t forget this very important point that people sometimes don’t apologize out of fear, shame, guilt or combination of these aforementioned.

And if any for whatever reason surmount courage and come apologizing….don’t used the moment as an opportunity to word wash, tongue lash an already guilt ridden soul.

It takes humility to say sorry. So be graceful when you find yourself in a place to receive apology. Be like Joseph.

What are the things Joseph did that helped him make a healthy balance between God and man when he came face-to-face with his brothers so much that, instead of hate, he showed love and instead of unkind words of regrets he toed the path of grace. Let’s look as some of them

1. Forgive prior to apology.

It is not every time one has to wait for an official apology in order to let’s go and forgive an offense. Give room for offense and forgive even before you are asked to. This way you get healed and free of whatever emotional hurts an offense may cause you. A timely relieved from the hurt of an offense is a shield against possible demonic attacks that can take advantage of long unhealed emotional injuries that can locked hates in a person’s heart longer than necessary.

Once anger goes beyond 24 hours, the possibility of demonic possession gets brighter with each new hour. When a heart is hate and anger filled, for whatever cause, legitimately so or not, it is open to demon possession, be it the heart of a believer or not. Demon possessions strive well  with hate and anger. And the eventual results is sadness and inability to actively serve God acceptably as long as the hates and evil possessions last. Anytime you are unnecessarily sad, confused and lack the ability to understand the simple truth of the Word of God, it is likely because such a person has not fully let go of a past hurt and or has not fully experience healing.

If you have struggled this much, it is time to talk to God about it, your strength alone won’t help much.  “He will keep the feet of his saints… for by strength shall no man prevail” (1 Samuel 2:9). We must learn to forgive before forgiveness is asked, it makes it easy accepting apology when and if it eventually come

If you keep hate and and anger in your heart for too long, it exposes you to unnecessary but avoidable demon possessions.

Most people who wear sad face always and are always unhappy and confused are almost likely to have been a victim of what I’m trying to describe here.

The earlier you let go of hurt, either someone apologize or not, the best for your peace and general wellness.

If you find this difficult, ask God for help and find someone experienced, preferably an elderly believer, or a Christian counselor, share your story with him or her and let go of your burden at the feet of Christ.

Anger and hate will makes you look ugly to others, even when you are physically beautiful.

Hate emits unseen aroma that makes those who carry them look unattractive and unwelcoming.

Demons hate people they possessed, don’t allow hurts create a place in you for them.

2. You are playing the role of God, act like Him but don’t PLAY God because you are NOT God.

Only God can actually forgive. That is why it is said, forgiveness is Divine and since we all need to be forgiven, we owe each other the best of care if another human ever asked forgiveness from anyone of us.

“…who can forgive sins but God only?” Mark 2:7.

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matthew 6:14).

When you forgive, you are helping to spread divinity into the lives of others and God is glorified. All sins are first of all against God and so both the offender and the offended are God’s. Therefore, to participate in the process of forgiveness is a divine privilege and not a right or an opportunity to play God in the lives of others. Failure to offer forgiveness, even when asked, is an affront to God.

“But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:15.

3. Be graceful.

This was where Joseph out beats his brothers. He was a man of grace and was kind enough to show mercy out of abundant grace towards his brothers. He had the power and the wherewithal to exact maximum damage upon his brothers, especially after the death of their father, the bridge that kept them as a family all those long years of mutual suspicions in Egypt.

My brothers and sisters, don’t take to yourself more power than you are given, neither pretend you are more important than God will want you to. Forgiveness is Divine privilege for every offender, and no one is permitted to hinder that process. So be graceful, Joseph was.

“And Joseph said unto them, Fear not: for am I in the place of God? But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. Now therefore fear ye not: I will nourish you, and your little ones. And he comforted them, and spake kindly unto them.” Genesis 50:19-21. He was rewarded with a good and long life (verse 22).

There are people whose relationship will hinder the purpose of God for your life and future from getting fulfilled as long as you maintain a close relationship with them.

God can allow them to offend you or betrayed you, so the relationship can be halted, for sometimes or even permanently.

If God fail to act, such persons may continue for a long time, happily together, but ends up destroying the purpose of God for both or one of them.

Just imagine if Joseph was never betrayed and sold by his brothers. He would have remain in Canaan with them, at best, a dreamer.

Jacob might have had a big beautiful family, but Egypt would have missed a mighty prince and a savior…..and Jacob and all the brothers, would have died of hungers.

God saw ahead of the famine, and instigated the brothers to send him ahead….

There is always a good reason behind any disappointment. That you don’t see it, does not mean its not there.

God won’t allow anyone to hurt you, if he has not planned a better COMFORT ahead for you.

Romans  8:28  And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Always have that scripture behind your mind.

If a relationship failed, and a lover left….it will NEVER happened if God had not purposed a better one ahead for you, especially, if all ended for a no fault of you.

4. Show evidence of forgiveness.

This is where the challenge is for many people, especially when all they want is to forgive and everyone go their different ways. It is good to forbid further intimate relationship (love, friendship, business etc) but please let your words and actions reflects the true state of your heart at that moment in time in respect of the offense and the offender.

5. Let God be the Judge.

Though it is expected the one that was forgiven should show forth evidence of been graceful, but it is not for you to starts monitoring that. Your findings might add more worries and sorrows to you than you wanted  for yourself.

Therefore, once you have received grace to forgive an offense, leave the rest for God. He is the only true Judge. Joseph took care of his brothers, and let God do the rest. When they came bending and begging, he simply says, fear not, I am not God, and he meant every word (Genesis 50:19).

“Do not eat the bread of a miser, Nor desire his delicacies; For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. “Eat and drink!” he says to you,

But his heart is not with you” (Proverbs 23:6-7). That should not be you, march your words and intent of your heart with convincing actions necessary for the occasion.

6. Pray for healing on both sides.

It is an indication of spiritual maturity and grace to understand that in every argument, fight, misunderstanding etc, all parties involved experience hurts (emotional, mental, bodily hurts, etc) in some form or another and so everyone is in need of healing.

Nobody return from war without an injury, may it be physical, emotional, mental or psychologically) and so everyone involved are in need of forgiveness and or healing. As much as Joseph was badly hurt by his brothers, the men too bear the scars of unhealed wounds that they have secretly bore for years, and more since their unexpected reunion with their brother, Joseph.  This simply mean, when you refused to forgive, get healed and let go, you might not only be hindering your own healing, you might as well, be hindering the other person as well. Yes, one might say the offender is justly deserving the hurts being inflicted, as true as that may be, one may as well, in that kind of situation, be playing God, the ultimate Judge, in one’s own matter. Job gave us and example on how to treat an unrepentant offender.

“And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.” (Job 42:10)

Christ did same too when He said, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34).

So also did Stephen. “And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge.” Acts 7:60. We can do same too.