By OLUMOFIN Kehinde Benjamin

“…she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” 1 Corinthians  7:39.

In the Scripture above the Bible emphasize the most important condition for intending Christian couples, that such marital unions should be “only in the Lord”. There may be many potential husbands and wives in the world but the only one suitable and expected to be taken by a believer in Jesus Christ is marrying a fellow “in the Lord”. To fulfill this obligation, many wonderful teachings on how to hear God speak and understand God’s will have taking place, including on this platform and kept in our website (www.3pgchristianministry.org). This lessons or teachings in themselves are good but are rarely achieved their purpose in the lives of many of the target audience for two reasons at least. One, many are not so knowledgeable in the art of knowing and recognizing God’s leading as they should, because they have not learn nor master the use of their spiritual senses and so are unable to discern God’s voice and leading, even when they are so very loud all around them.

Secondly, as good as it is for a believer to be able to recognize God’s voice and leading in his day to day life, it is not something that one should apply only on making marital choices alone, especially when one had not attached much importance to hearing God speak or lead on other aspect of life prior to the time marriage issue came up.

A thorough check through the Bible marriages can be so revealing as well. There is hardly anyone of all the good marriages discussed or talked about in the Bible where all these (vision, dream, special revelation, audible voices, angelic visitation, prophecy etc) agencies of hearing God was explicitly used to bring a man and a woman together in marriage. Please note that it is not a must that before chosen a partner in marriage you have to have a dream, have a special Bible verse or reference, see a vision, hear an audible voice, have a prophecy, word of knowledge etc especially where you have not be led in these areas before. Don’t start learning how to hear God just because you want to marry. Its not that it’s a bad idea, but the risk might be too high. All these means of hearing God are important, but it is not compulsory God has to lead you like this before you marry. Any of these means of hearing God can be means of confirmation of divine involvement but they should not be solely rely upon as ways of picking a spouse. Many before you have done that and have not had a better marriage to prove they were right and there are practically no example from the Bible to show these means where ever emphasized in the choice of a life partner to the Bible saints. There is no sufficient Bible records to hold that any of these were used by God in most Bible marriages. God led people, spoke to them on many things and in many areas, but when it comes to marriages and bringing two people together in marital union, aside Adam and Eve, there are certain rules that were used and God was honour in all Bible marriages.

What should then be our major considerations having prayed God for guidance as per who to marry and still be sure we are at the center of His Will? On a general note, romantic connection should be place on a high scale. Please don’t marry, if you have no romantic feelings for him/her. It is a disaster waiting to happen if marriage takes place. God won’t lead you to someone you are not comfortable to live with. Your romantic happiness is His Will, to think otherwise is to play the fool with oneself in the name of spirituality. Isaac was caught romantically playing with Rebekah his wife, and Paul emphasize if you can no longer resist being romantically wanting to touch your love partner, then you should marry. Love cannot be separated from romantic feelings and vice versal – Genesis 26:8; 1 Corinthians 7:36. These being said, the following should be your guide in marrying right and marrying God’s Will for you.

1. The first in the line of marrying God’s will is marrying someone who of age of maturity, at least 18 years old in keeping with the law of the land and to fulfill all righteousness.
2. Consider the religion, then the spirituality, personal convictions and beliefs of your potential partner, and the church to attend as couple after marriage etc. If any of these is not in line with your convictions and belief, there is no need praying for further guidance, let it go.
3. Consider your tribe. Marry from your own tribe, physically and spiritually, except you are ready for complete and thorough conversion. If you can’t marry from your ethnic group, please marry someone who’s willing to accept and adapt (be converted) to the way of life (their food, greetings style, culture etc.) of your people upon marrying to you. This can pose a major source of disconnect after marriage where intertribal marriage have taking place and once one of the parties is unwilling to adopt the lifestyle as per culture and custom of the other person, especially where faith and spiritual conviction is not affected. This is also true of your spiritual tribe. Marry someone who had experienced true conversion into the Family of Grace in Jesus Christ, if you are part of the Family yourself. Where there is no thorough conversion, strife and nagging won’t be scarce.
4. Consider the nationality. Marry your type, colour, continent, unless you are ready to be converted to the lifestyles of your partner and new home.
5. Consider if you both share certain traits and are compatible in some vital area. For example, ability to communicate flawlessly with each other without fear or desire to hold back, ability to float together emotionally, romantically and socially without shame or the feeling of being ashame.
6. Financial and investment compatibility. Once you notice any form of incompatibility in finance, attitude to money, poor readiness or viable plan to invest in the interest and in the name of you both should be some kind of warning that all may not be well in the future.
7. General outlook on marriage and family life. Take time to investigate what your partner consider as “love” and “submission” and see if there are areas you will need clarifications on matters arising. Your partner understanding of marriage and family life should not be too strange to your understanding of these terms, else, your marriage may suffer so many problems if married to a person whose view on marriage and family life is at diverse to yours.
8. Mutual love and respect for each others and for each members of each others family. If you can’t respect (according to the custom, in greetings, food, family life etc) of a person, don’t marry. This is one reason God insisted each person in Israel should marry from their own tribe, though they all be children of Abraham. A family you can’t respect their ways of life, as long as it’s not against the Bible, you are not supposed to be united to them in marriage. Conversion is not only being born again, accepting and adapting to other people’s ways of life, once it’s not sinful, is a form of conversion expected before and after marriage from both parties.
9. Willingness to attend premarital counseling class at least, three months before wedding or maximum of six months before wedding, to streamline all the above and more is a sign of divine assistance. Not all romantic partners are willing to attend and abide with premarital counseling advice and help. Some are too proud to be helped, and for a believer, that is a sign God may not be in it.
10. Family acceptability. I don’t advise to go ahead with marriage plans when either of the family or their representative is not approving of the union. It is better to wait, pray and seek for help from respectable family members than to ignore their warnings. Parents sometimes don’t say much once they say No to the union of their daughter/son to another. To forcefully forced yourself on a family just because you are in love with their son/daughter don’t always end with “they were happy thereafter”. All Bible marriages sought and received parental consent as part of divine will for their union. Today’s marriages can’t afford to be different.

If all the above is carefully thought of and weigh considerably well, whatever marriage so established, can be guarantee to be at the center of God’s will even when there has been no dream, vision, or any of those special ways of “hearing God” that have confused more people than helping them when it comes to picking life partners in marriage. God is not the author of confusion, if those in Bible days did not have to go through those special revelations as criteria to get life partners, I don’t think the God of today is different from the God they served then as well. God is not the author of confusion – 1 Corinthians 14:33.

• Written for 3pG SCHOOL FOR THE SINGLES by OLUMOFIN Kehinde Benjamin, Group Admin, 3pG Christian Ministry.