FROM THE HEART OF A CONCERNED PASTOR

Shortly after the 3pG Covenant Hour night prayers we had a visitor. It was totally unusual to have someone visiting at such hour, and to compound the surprise, the dogs did not bark to alert us of her presence, as if they knew how serious the case was and the need to maintain peace and respect was apparent. It was completely strange. My wife led her in and sat her down, I was still in my study and prayer room. She led her in to where I was having gotten my permission to do so. I was calm and surprisingly so too. Her face was very familiar, single and unmarried daughter of God, I knew she was a member of the Ministry, though I was meeting her for the very first time. My wife, calm as always, brought my food, a pap she just prepared to break my fast, the visitor sat adjacent to me. My wife excused us as I sat down to eat and the following discussion took place:

Me: It must be a serious matter that brought you to see me 1:00am in the morning. Hope all is well?

It was as if the statements I just said to her, set lose the spring of tears in her eyes as she sobbed as quietly as she can, embarrassed but can’t help herself. I sat quietly and watched, hoping she will say something.

Visitor: I did the exact thing you have warned us over and again not to do (she tried controlling herself as she spoke), I feel I let down the Lord and disappointed myself. I went to his place and we made love.

Now, she was completely broken-down. She was sincere and felt very bad for what had happened and the word she used next to describe herself says how terribly bad she felt as she try putting her feelings into words.

Visitor: I did all the styles from one room to another, back, front, up, down, just name it, at the end I felt no better than if I had visited an hotel for room service, I felt like a slut.

Then, I interjected her as she used those strong words on herself and spoke to her as calmly as I can. I knew that was not the time to condemn her, she had had enough already. And I was reminded of how frail I have been also and as a priest I was only chosen from among men, being encumbered with many faults myself (Hebrews 5:1-4), so it was not the time for self-glory, it was a time to help bring an erring daughter home to her Lord.

Me: How old are you?

She initially interpreted it to be how long she and her partner has been in a relationship.

Visitor: 9 sir.

Me: No, I mean your age.

Visitor: 33, going to 34 sir

Me: And him?

Visitor: 33 sir.

Me: Do you love him?

She kept quiet as if that was not the kind of questions or statement she expect to hear from me. Then, I had to explain.

Me: Just for once imagine if pregnancy should result from that encounter, then you will still have to answer this question whether you like it or not and the events that will follow may not all be to your advantage.

Now, I had her full attention and the best moment to pass the message.

Me: So, if you answer No to the question, it simply means you are wasting yourself and precious moments with a man you don’t want to marry, all for the pleasure and fun of sin, and that has to stop,

Then I continued and if your answer is Yes. At 33 your body will make demands and same for him too and after such long years together, some things become inevitable as opportunity present itself. And that’s what you just experienced.

The look on her face said it all that she wasn’t hearing what she had expected to hear. She came with the mind to be condemned further than she already did to herself, but I chose to place her on the path of reasoning and scripture as I continue talking to her.

Me: That was the reason Apostle Paul says (I quoted 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 and verse 36 but I placed more emphasis on verse 36), if a man can no longer bear the burden of waiting and keeping a relationship pure, let them marry. And the same for the woman.

For him to have enough space that you can move from room to room, mean he has a work and have an apartment for himself.

Me: Why are you not married?

Visitor: We don’t have enough money yet to afford a good wedding.

Me: Who told you, you need to have a fortune to start a family? I asked her

This is the same pothole many young adults are falling to in their number. They are saving or waiting to have enough for a big wedding at the expense of marriage itself. They erroneously believe having a good and big wedding is same as having a good marriage.

Me: You don’t need to have a big saving to start a family, you only need a regular and moderate source(s) of income and an apartment, even if it is a one bedroom apartment for a humble start to life.  And in your case both conditions are already settled, so there is nothing stopping you from marrying, instead of defying the natural course of the body and exposing yourself to the condemnation of the devil.

And then came a timely advice.

Me: If you don’t want to self-destroy the plan of God for you in marriage, between now and your wedding night, stop going to his place or stay alone together in a lonely place without the presence of a third person, and the same rule apply to him too. No more lonely visits to one another, else you see yourself falling into the same wrong all over again.

Suddenly, I woke up. It was all a dream. The time was 2:30am. I don’t know this person in real life, I have never met you but I know you are there and this is for you.

And if there is any other person going through similar experience, this is my answer for you, the same as stated above. It is not the time to slide into depression and self-condemnation, I do not condemn you, neither is the Lord. You only need to tell Him how sorry you are, repent and put in place measures that will guide you against future acts that can jeopardize your relationship with the LORD, then do what is right for you and your future family.

From the heart of a concerned pastor, I say we love you and God bless you.