TODAY’S GROUP DISCUSSION

Friday 19th April 2019

SMARTPHONE ADDICTED PARENTING

Who is in need of help, and why? The child who would not stop crying until given the phone or the parent (father/mother) who will readily give the phone in order to buy off some time (freedom)? Who among them need help, the parent or the child or both?

• Group Admin, 3pG.

Admin Response:

There is an adage that says, he who knows and know that he knows is wise follow him. And he that know not but know that he does not know as he ought to know is ready to learn, teach him but he that knows not and does not know that he knows not is in darkness and is to be pitied.

The last fellow is a replica of many 21st century young parents, they need help, many are emotionally handicap and mentally immature to raise babies, themselves are in need of help, yet are too busy or proud to get help. The two main characters, the parents and the child are both in need of help, though their needs varies at different level of help.

One is an innocent child, who depends on the parents for guidance and training. At his age, whatever appeals to him he will long for, cry after and will expect the parents to provide those things. He need the parents judgements to know evil from good, light from darkness, what he needs from what he wants, and this is true in all his decision process as he grows. And on the other hand is the parent who lacks the strength of an adult, the courage of a parent and the wise heart to navigate the complexity of attending to a child.

That a parent employ smartphone as a way to keep the hyper active or hyper demanding child busy shows the lack of idea on alternate methods of keeping the child busy. It is true that all the parties involved, parents and their little ones, need some forms of assistance or another to be able to choose alternative ideas that are beneficial to both parties and that can also help deepen the bond between parents and the children in the long run. This is a very important wholistic approach to the challenge at hand.

I believe parents need more counselling, regular unstop trainings in family focus seminar and retreats like the one we are planning for May 18, April 2019 and through the agencies of Groups like 3pG who are committed to general wellbeing of the family. Many parents are sincerely in need of help, without which they in turn cannot help their children. The burden of parenting is weighing down many, they have no idea what should be done, and how it should be done, so they readily turn to electronic and games devices for help, at least to get a much needed break.

Addicted children need help as soon as possible, just as much as their untrained, carefree parents too, and a lot will be needed to get it done through counselling and determination to separate the child from his/her electronic toys, or at least set up some parental control, while bringing to bear a more purpose driven Christian parenting skills and this will require painful sacrifices on the parties involved. In some Asian countries more than half a million of children are known to be affected by addiction to games, electronic devices and smartphones, some have been known to have stayed indoor doing nothing but playing games on phones and computers for years, 5-10 years in some cases.

Many have stayed indoor so much that they cannot look straight up when they come outside, if at all they do, because of too much day light. A lot of them, teenagers and young adults are depress, emotionally wrecked, inferior and are always afraid to try new things. A lot of adults are equally affected in a disease condition known as Hikikomori. It all began in most cases with unhealthy exposure early in life to phones and electronic devices by happy, busy and unavailable parents, who by the time they realise their errors, there was too little left to be done to make amend.

These children need help, but no one seem able to help, not even their own parents, who themselves are ashame, burdened with the pressure of hiding an unproductive son/daughter locked indoor by no one but him/herself admist social stigmatisation that come with Hikikomori and in most part, the discipline and thoroughness that come with Christian parenting is largely missing.

The situation is fast becoming a sort of national disgrace for countries so affected but help seem very far away, why? Because parents themselves need help, a free but godless society on the edge of failures resulting from collective rejection of the gospel of Jesus Christ and Christian parenting. Same trend is fast building up all over the world and something urgent must be done by parents who loved the Lord! “And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;” (Romans 1:28).

In as much as there is no one solution fit-all approach to any aspect of Christian parenting, yet no situation is unique or peculiar that no one has never experience before. Whatever the challenge is, someone somewhere has been through it before, and with God’s assistance they have been helped, if you make use of God’s provisions and agencies He carefully placed around you, your success will be guaranteed. But for the careless, who don’t know they need help, or are too proud and busy to tap into gracious opportunities God is putting in and around them that can facilitate their parenting skills through learning and continuous improvement will shun seminar, retreats and Groups that God has placed within their reach to bring them help.

For as many parents so described, no matter what is said about the dangers of early addiction to smartphone by children, the terribleness of Hikikomori being suffered by several thousand of children and teenagers in modern Asia and other parts of the world, loss of self worth, depressions and deep sense of worthlessness that come with addictions, etc., they will still do nothing, make no changes but rather maintain status quo, as long as their present freedom is guaranteed, and the child is kept busy, “nothing spoil” but we are not so learn of Christ, He’s humble, teachable and easily entreated, and so are all His children (Matthew 11:29).

Olumofin, Kehinde Benjamin writes for Praying Parents Prayer Group Christian Ministry (3pG).