The Man and His Helpmeet (Part 1)

Genesis 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

It must be said that women are better intercessors in the place of prayer on family matters than most men, but few women know and utilize this privilege. The mothers instinct in you makes you a better intercessor for your family than the man; and to fulfill your role, you must start with yourself – pray for yourself. Pray for strength and the will to stand and fight for your family. Financially independent and career-minded women are more likely to fail here – nothing takes away a womans ability to make a good home than the quest for career success and financial independence. Women can hardly marry career success with marriage success. They need men to help them do that, but are often unlikely to get that help.

The more financially independent a woman becomes, the less prayer burden she bears for her family and for her spouse in particular; the less she desires sex with him, and the less she respects and obeys him. This is not to say that she’s proud, busy and has little or no time for herself; no – she is simply not wired to manage success with relationship. She needs a man to make up for that in her life; and where the man is not available for whatever reason, then she risks sacrificing one to save the other and in most cases it is the family that pays the price. A woman needs a man to manage her success, lest she become more of a poor struggling mother and less of a happy wife over time. A successful Christian woman should also pray for the grace to intercede for her husband, her family and her children. It takes humility, grace and prayers to be successful and submissive. The two are rarely found in the same vessel. Just as a successful, handsome and humble young men are impossible outside of Jesus.

This is not to say men are totally able to handle success and marriage, many cannot. There are men whose families would have stayed together in unity, if not for the financial breakthrough they experienced when they were less able to manage it. Man’s natural instinct is to solve basic marital issues with money, but money has its limit – Eccl 7:12. It takes a wise heart to build a home, and humility to respect a man, whose financial contribution to the family are significantly less than that of his wife. A man should never be robbed of his headship, regardless of his wifes financial success. It is your duty to subtly help him overcome his fears and weaknesses, without hurting his ego. We are not rivals and we are not competing for the position of the most successful in family finances; and where such exists, rancor and quarrels will always be a normal part of family life. Man and wife should see themselves as privileged partners in the journey of grace. It is not by right that you are in your spouse life – it is a privilege. If you were not there, someone else would have occupied that position; and who knows if he/she might have done a better job at it than you. If you see it otherwise, you will never try to be better than yesterday in the life of your spouse.

Marriage should make people better, not worse. If your partner has grown worse in character and feelings towards you, theres probably something you’ve stopped doing or that you’re not doing right. Feeling rejected, instead of introspectively examining yourself, will add no value to an already degenerated situation. Be part of your husband, be part of his life. Don’t hand over your duty of care to his secretary. Men are like children – they tend to gravitate to the person who shows more care, with little or no conscious efforts to check the reason behind undeserved shows of attention from female assistants. Love his job and encourage him at it. Show you care, but avoid unnecessary interference in the running of his business. Dont stamp your presence on him and on his efforts to be his best – learn to operate from behind the scene. That will give him the opportunity to savor the rewards of his efforts, and he will appreciate you for it in ways beyond your imagination.

You are his best coach, and a coach will allow his player savor the glories of his skill on the field of play; while watching from the background, as the player does his best (with the desire to make him better, for the overall benefit of the team). You know his weaknesses, his strengths and dreams better than he can put on paper, for paid consultants to see. It is your duty to cover up for him and make him better.

In addition to these, some other reasons you must stand to fight for your family; for your husband in particular; and for your children, by extension; are as follows:

• HE NEEDS YOU TO SUCCEED – TURN HIS IDEAS TO PRAYER POINTS:

A man once told me his had resolved to never again let his wife know anything of importance to him before they mature and become a testimony; and was seriously considering divorce, as an option from what he said was an unfortunate situation. His reason was simple – every business of value, any adventure of importance, or anything at all that had the promise of a better outcome; never came to fruition once it came to the knowledge of his wife. If he informed her, by any chance, the deal was as good as dead on arrival.

According to him, experience had taught him to keep important issues to himself; or discuss them with anyone but his wife, in order to have greater chances of success. He thus concluded that as long as his wife, the mother of his children, is with him, he risked the chance of never succeeding in life because he wasnt sure how long he could afford to do things without his wifes knowledge. I have also heard one or two women say the same – that the reason for their poor status, is that once important matters affecting them get to their husbands knowledge, failure is certain. Thats the position the devil wants to box many families into; and as a matter of fact, many are there already. His goal is simple: sow distrust and mutual suspicion in homes; then step back some distance, where his nefarious activities wont be noticed. From there hed watch as love, peace and harmony are thrown out of families.

Your spouses success in whatever he does should be your concern and your prayer priority. Your husbands business ideas, plans and commitments are not just bits of information you should covet for the sake of knowledge – they should form your prayer points once you get to know about them. If your husband knows you desire his success, and you daily commit his success to God in prayer and sometime with fasting, he will gladly tell you more about his plans and ideas. That does not mean everything you pray about will automatically turn to success – not at all, but some will immediately and many others will come to pass as time goes by. No sincere prayer ever goes unanswered – it may be delayed, but answers will surely come in God’s own time – Eccl.3:1.

The devil will do anything to turn your husband against you. One major instrument he can use is to frustrate your husbands finances and business once you are in the picture, and allow him some respite when you are blind to his deals. Distrust will soon set in and family disunity will follow. Fight in prayer for your husbands ideas, pray for his success and be committed to it. This is even more critical, if your husband is the spiritual type. If you don’t watch over him in prayers, like a mother will do her beloved boy; the devil can take advantage of your ignorance and frustrate his efforts in things that are important to him in many ways, and your family may suffer for it. God forbid.

• YOU ARE HIS CHIEF ADVISER:

Men love it when their wives take interest in what they do, but hate it when she tries to control or impose her opinions on them. No matter how genuine you think your idea is, you must regard it as advice. Men abhor women who force instructions on them, even when they know her reasons are genuine and correct. Once you succeed in making your husband trust your judgment and advice, you become a sacred reference to him – he will do nothing without your input. However, this takes time and years of continued determined efforts and interests in what he does, even in the face of incessant discouragement from no other person than himself. It is not easy watching your husband doing things wrong, while still giving him all the support required from a wife; but your not supporting him can breed discord and distrust, and he can end up blaming his failure on your lack of support. Whenever the male factor in him decides to go his way, silence and prayers are better last resorts. No heart is beyond the touch of prayers.

Professional and career women have more to do in this regard. Many will conclude that the husband is only jealous and threatened by their career success; and to be fair, they are right on many occasions. Your spouse and children will naturally become inferior and insecure around you, when your career and success takes pole position in your heart instead of them. When the idea that the more money you make, the more you are able to solve your family problems has taken root in you, then you might be surprised that your continual absence from the home front is creating more problems for your love life than those your money is taking care of. Your family, your spouse, your children should never be the coins you give in exchange for your successful career. A successful career with no successful family life is like building a castle in the air. The end is certainly worse than the beginning.

Oh, I have given him advice on several occasions and he won’t take it, so I left him to himself! That’s an unwise position to take in a matter that will affect your family life and your childrens destinies. That you gave your advice and your husband did not act on it, does not mean it was not appreciated. Maybe that was not the answer he wanted to his question at the time or may be someone else is giving him what he thinks is better advice than yours. That your advice was not appreciated or regarded, is not enough reason to throw in the towel – you should keep on trying and pray for revelational wisdom in all matters that affect your home.

It is in the spirit of Ahithophel (2Sam.15) to feel bad and not want to give another better attempt, just because your important advice went unheeded. Every man has a woman he listens to – if not his wife, then maybe his mother or some other woman out there. You should be your husbands best confidante and adviser. If you don’t step in to perform that role, somebody else will do it; and the boy in him will naturally feel attached to whoever else is doing the job for him. That is not good for your marriage. This is very important because you are his helpmeet, and one major function expected of your office is to advise him. Once your husband finds your advice effective and important to his wellbeing; sees no sense of force or coercion from you to make use of it; and knows you love him and what he does genuinely, despite his errors in the past, then your marriage is made – he becomes attached to you, and nothing that concerns him will be done outside your knowledge.

This is an end many women love to find in their homes, but they gave up too early because past efforts did not produced desire results. Discouraged women lose their grip on their families, but the resilient and prayerful daughters of Zion win with prayers, patience and love; despite oppositions that threatened their homes. I will do my best and I will not give up on my family. I thought you would say the same thing to yourself. I will do my best and I will not give up on my family in Jesus name. Amen

May God bless His word in your hearts, and may His grace be sufficient for you to heed this call and make good your family – for the sake of your children and their children after them.

Olumofin, Kehinde Benjamin writes for Praying Parents Prayer Group Christian Ministry (3pG).