By OLUMOFIN Kehinde Benjamin

One of the things that helped marriage in the days of our forefathers were two: couples were mostly from same tribe and practice same religion (either they were both in the same pagan belief or were associated with one of the mother churches that were then, or mixture of both). The men and the women understood their tribal demands, taboos, mode of greetings, preparations and making of food, the thick and thin that goes with the societal lifestyles and dictates of the tribe etc and in same manner their religious lives were not contradictory, each help the other serves the “higher power” they believed in, and help passed same to the children. Children were well schooled in the family religion and ways of life, so much that parenting was without much rancour and troubles with poor commitment as a result of poor understanding of religious and family demands that are the troubles of modern marriages were almost non-existent.

These tell us something from the word go, tribal consideration in marriage is as important as religious and faith in determining who to marry or not. These therefore means, if you must marry outside your tribe, first be ready to “convert” absolutely to the tribe you are marrying to, this is especially true for the woman. This does not excuse men, once you are ready to marry a woman of another tribe, then be ready to accept her people’s way of life and traditions as yours, especially on things as food, greetings, ceremonies whenever you have reason to be among them. But since in marriage, the woman makes the “leaving” more than men….she leaves her people and her people’s ways of doing things to be joined with her man and build a family with him, after the similitudes of his tribal patterns, then her readiness to thoroughly “convert” and integrate fully into her new tribe may in many ways help stabilize her family and her children emotionally and mentally.

I believe one of the reasons many children grow up to be confused adults is because they have been raised with conflicting ways of life arising from parents diverse backgrounds. Mommy speaks her language, serves her people’s food, teach her people’s moral or ethics and the father too try severally to inject these things in his tribal ways to them whenever he so opportune and somehow the children are raised half schooled in the ways of each tribes and left emotionally confused and they know it not.

There are more confused adults now than ever, despite increase in knowledge and science. If you ever think intertribal marriage without full desire to integrate to your new tribe is nothing, marriage will shock you.

All the above is also very true when religion and beliefs are different and diverse among married parties. Inability to integrate and fully understand each others beliefs will not only produce a  troubled marriage, socially confused and troubled children too won’t be far fetched. And so the need to fully consider your options and your readiness for the challenges ahead before marrying into a different tribe or religion (or faith). If you are not ready for a “full conversion”, please do have a rethink. You can ask those who are in it already.

– Olumofin Kehinde Benjamin, is the Group Admin, 3pG Christian Ministry.