Today’s Discourse:
A. How true are these words…? and,
B. How best can parents avoid making a mess of their own children in manner so described?
C. Can it be said children so affected are being abused by their own parents, ignorantly or not?

• Group Admin, 3pG.

Response 1:
I agree strongly with the words “that we should be mindful what we say about our children in front of them”.
Words can either build or mar a person, not only kids but even adults, you can say a word to someone and he/she will aim for the sky while some words can make those affected wish for the worse.

The Bible is not wrong when it says the power of life and death lies in the tongue, so let us mind what we say, let us consciously allow our words to be full of grace and seasoned with salt. I remember a lady of recent posted on Facebook that she’s never seen herself as being good and has always contemplated suicide because everyday her mother tells her that she is the worst mistake she’s made in her life and I was surprised many other ladies and women too concurred that their self-esteem had been wounded too from statements from either one of their parents or both, but mostly from their mothers, of late a man a grown up man I think in Ife committed suicide because of what the mother has been saying to him day in day out.

As believers who have been redeemed by grace we are to consciously watch what we say to our children, or say about them in their presence. They should be words of life and not death, words that will build their morals and not kill them, don’t outrightly criticize them but first praise them, then afterwards tell them their setbacks in love because in the world our children will face a lot of horrible criticism from people who careless about how they feel so it’s we who are family that are to protect and act as buffers against coarse words those outside will throw their ways, and if we now add more to it we make the children open and vulnerable.
Yes children who are exposed to bad words from their parents are abused and unfortunately it is the worst form of abuse, there are no visible scars to show evidence of abuse but the scars are in their hearts, minds and the children themselves will grow up to be “monsters” who in turn will abuse others, and in some extreme cases aside being bullies, they become psychos and some can even deteriorate to become serial (killers) in their evil addiction to eliminate whoever have what they know they are not and “cannot be”.

Negative words should really be discouraged, not only to our children but to anyone around us because the end result is never good. God bless us as parents and help us to speak words of grace seasoned with salt in Jesus Christ mighty Name. Amen. Shalom. Mrs. Comfort O.

Response 2:
Thank you ma, you have addressed it well ma…
Some of us are guilty of this and we thank God for a platform like this where we can learn, unlearn and relearn… May God make us changed Parents for the better in Jesus name.
This aspect of parenting is usually not taken seriously… May God forgive us too..
Thanks sir and ma. Mrs Rachael A.

Response 3:
Amen, hmm… We need to take our parenting seriously. True talk ma. Mrs Comfort O.

Response 4:
Very true sir, especially when it comes to talking about their weaknesses or comparing their strengths. A child may never recover from some of those words they hear.
May God really help us to be sensitive to our children’s emotions. Mrs Maria A.

GROUP ADMIN RESPONSE TO THE ONGOING DISCUSSION…

A. How true are these words…?

To begin with, the words under consideration are true. Therefore parents and adults generally should be careful when discussing children in their own presence. This carefulness should also affect other talks that are not even related to an ongoing issue in a child’s life. The general rule is…once a child is with you, then be careful with words. Though in reality most adults don’t really care but we at 3pG chose to be different. They may pretend their not listening, when you are busy conversing with friends and other adults but they do most times, and are very much capable of processing adults words, even when adults think otherwise. Always remember you were once a child too, and the adults then couldn’t hide that much even as hard as they tried coding some of their statements.

B. How best can parents avoid making a mess of their own children in manner so described?
As a rule, parents should observe the following:

1. Don’t speak ill of a child in his/her presence. Children believes their parents, the child will take your words as it is said, and will belief he’s actually really bad.
2. Don’t discuss the short fall of a child with another in his own presence. He will never see anything good about himself afterwards. Rather magnify his good deeds before others, and keep the other for talk when alone with him/her.
3. Don’t discuss a body/physical deformity of a child with another in his own presence, except for a medical purpose. He will stigmatized himself and be ashamed of himself afterwards. Same rule apply when discussing a child health related issues.
4. Don’t discuss the character deformity of a child with another in his own presence. it’s better on one on one with the purpose of counselling or seeking for help and correction. Character deformity are not helped by gossip and complaint. Regular counseling, occasional discipline when and where necessary, love, healthy comparison with Bible characters and prayers does it better.
5. Don’t complain about a child to others in his own presence especially out of anger and frustrations except for one on one counselling purposes. This won’t happened unless you make it a deliberate principle and a life style.
6. Don’t discuss the failure, academic or otherwise, of a child with another in his own presence. Its a cheap way to buy low self esteem and inferior self confidence for a child at no cost. The life time negative impart are beyond words, avoid it.

C. Can it be said children so affected are being abused by their own parents, ignorantly or not?

Emphatically yes! The worst form of abuse are those coming from the parents, friends and family members. In many instances, parents are the one who often, laid the foundation for others to abuse their own children, though mostly out of ignorant and lack of personal discipline on the part of such parents themselves.

People will treat your children the way they see you treat them and with their own additions added as well. If others see you disrespecting the dignity and self worth of your own children in your words or actions, don’t expect them to treat them otherwise. Your children are like your spouse, others (friends and family members) will do to them, the way they see you treat them, just with a little emphasis of there own added to it.

And parental abuse, is not only when a child is taking undue advantage of, and with or without physical/body harm to a child. Talking bad about a child in his/her own presence does much harm to a child just as inflicting physical harm as well. And this is not just about one’s own children alone but to other children as well, especially for those of us who are classroom teachers and are entrusted with lives and destinies and same for those with young domestic helpers. An housemaid is deserving of respect and dignity just as the children of the house. Children don’t forget, you will be remembered by what you have done.

Children believes their teachers a lot and whatever they say about them matter a lot to them. And so are house helps to their adopted families, especially from their madams and masters in such homes.

Wives and mothers are particularly “guilty” in this respect. And this is not to excused the men in anyway. Many men speak hurting words too, not minding if the children are listening or not. What you says in a child hearing, and not just your motive of saying it goes a long way to determine the adults he/she will become. Chose your words with grace when speaking, either to your own children or in their presence and same for the children of others. If you claim to have the Spirit of Jesus Christ, let your words be the reflections of His Works in your heart. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks, so says the Scripture.

• Group Admin, 3pG.