WHAT PARENTS OWE THEIR CHILDREN – EPISODE 3

Footnotes: When it comes to training and teaching children on cleanliness, making sure ones corner of the wardrobe is well arranged, kitchen ethics, neat clothing to match, and on various domestic training, the boy child is often the most ignored. You must have heard this statement or even have said it many times….”You are a woman, so learn to dress well or keep your room tidy,…”  or it may go like this… “You are a girl and you can’t make common indomie…” but you rarely hear such statements been said to the boys.

That way, and effectively so, the boys are being excused from the burden of domestic organization, looking neat and clean etc by no other person than the parents themselves. Many men can’t organize and tidy up their own room without the help of a woman/girl in their lives….it all started from childhood, he had been made to understand only women should do those things.

Does that mean the ability to organized one’s own room, closet, kitchen and other domestic activities are gender based? I think not. That is where the sorrow of many marriages began from…the man provide the money and exempt himself from all domestic activities on the home front leaving the woman to raise 2-4 children all alone by herself…..and even homes where the woman works and have a pay job and supporting her family financially as much as the man is doing, the domestic front is still hers to manage all alone, no matter what.

All these because many men were not raised to be involved in home affairs, chiefly by their own parents, mothers in particular, who suffer same treatment from the fathers and ought to help do better in raising the boys. I just can’t help wondered, why women will suffer domestic wise and still raise their own sons, just the same way their mothers in-laws raised their husbands and by themselves perpetuate the same mistakes in their own boys and keep the chains of domestic irresponsibility for one more generation through their sons…

It’s not just the girl child that should looks beautiful and dress well and keep the house, as good as that is for them and their future marriages, it would have been better if the boys too were equally engaged by parents, mothers in particular, just as they are doing for the girl child.

The world need men who are not just equip to make money but also equip to make homework….and so are the girls. Many girls have been raised to see men as alpha and omega of all provisions and so their calamitous dependence on men and their love for the highest bidder. “Women loves money” goes the saying because mothers over many generations have raised their girls to see men as sources of money. As true as that may be, it does not rule out financial independent for women as well. Let train our girls to be financially independent, yet submissive and boys to be financially responsible and yet loving….

And same goes for dressings and clothing, many boys have endured emotional abuse clothing wise by their own parents who bothers more about the girl child and care little about the boys. Many married women love to see their husbands look good and attractive too but alas, they can’t help the men as much as they would love….they were not cut out to look good by training and they can hardly help it.

There had been women whose husbands came to their work environment putting yellow on red and sure the woman may not like it, yet won’t complain just to keep the peace. Good clothing is not just for the girls, looking good has nothing to do with gender. Anyone can suffer low self-esteem, so boy or girl, help protect your children self-confidence by looking out for their look and appearance.

Question: Please sir, I want to ask, should we allow our visitors maybe family members who plan to stay some days or weeks to wear types of clothing’s that we normally don’t wear or allow our children to wear. Sometimes I have a lot of questions to answer when the visitors have left and my daughter is asking mummy buy trousers for me like aunty x. (Mrs. Maria A.)

Admin:

If they are people you can talk to tell them what’s acceptable in your house because of the children but if they are people you can’t address directly, especially your in-laws, let your hubby do the talking and where both methods failed, simply reeducate your children before and after such visits. If it’s a long term or permanent visit, such must obey your family values. I have a rule, if you are under my roof, eating my food, you must live by my rules. And thank God for my wife, she’s with me on this 1000%.

That’s why it’s not enough to give instructions to children, let them know your reasons for the instructions. This is very important. And don’t forget to always tell them, others may do it….aunties, uncles, friends, even children of close relatives or friends etc. but “in our house” we don’t and give your reasons.

Christian parents often get things mixed up at points like this because they are trying to protect some person’s interest at the expense of their own family values. But we can learn from those who have covenants with village or family gods, how they warn their children and protects their families from eating or do things they hold as “taboos” in the family, no matter who is involved. We carry grace and we can do better.

As a family, let people, especially family members and friends, know where you stand on things and what your values are, they will respect you and your family for it. I have found this to be true of my own family. Our siblings and relatives, including our parents loves us and respect our values once they come under our roof. We reciprocate the same too when we go visit.

And to be added, any family, friend or relative that have values that are sharply different from yours, please avoid your children spending holidays or long period of time, with them, and if their children come visiting, aside weekends with you or your spouse being presence during such weekends, enforce your family values, including dressings while they are with you and where you don’t have much control please regularize your children visits as well. Just a single weekend without your direct watch in a much relaxed anything goes environment can undo years of training and labour permanently such that even many years of fasting may not readily reversed. Some fasting and prayers are totally unnecessary if we let others understand where our family stand betimes. I believe you understand me ma.

This rule also affects our parents and the need to allow our children visit or go spend holiday. If you can’t trust your parents, please don’t allow your children there while you are not with them.

There has been stories children of believers, children of covenant people, going to spend holidays with grandparents only to return with incisions and marks on strategic places in their bodies….and when such parents are confronted, they simply will say….we only gave him or her what’s her right as members of our family. Its a rite everyone goes through, including their parents, forgetting how much prayers you have prayed to break loose from such old covenants. Now the children are effectively back into the same “bondage” you have spent a great deal of prayer time to get off from.

Some come back with strange behaviors after such visits to Big daddy or Big Mommy. If you can’t guarantee the safety of your children destinies, please don’t send them to a place you know you can’t vouch for.

In all you do… prioritize your children DESTINIES. What Jesus says to one, He says to ALL.