EXAMPLES OF COMPATIBILITY IN MARRIAGE

1. Physical Compatibility: Under no circumstance should you marry a man or woman you are not proud to walk down the road with. Someone who you don’t want to associate with physically should not be your wife or husband. Marriage should not be a dark market thing that you don’t like to be associated with in the light. God will never give you something you cannot be proud of. He gives blessing without adding sorrow.

If it is God’s will, then there must be something to make you forever grateful in it. Proverbs 31:30 “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised”. Simply means don’t marry solely for the sake of beauty or any physical gain, but it did not say beauty is evil in itself. And we are all God’s creation, wonderfully and gracefully made.  All women are beautiful if well taken care of and no man is ugly if he’s in the hand of the right woman.

You are beautiful and handsome when you have peace of mind. I earlier told you that will of God are raw materials, you need to polish it with love, care and patience to get the best out of it. Never marry just for physical appeal, they usually wane with age. A woman married solely for her beauty is a disappointment waiting to happen because beauty will surely fade with age and the attractive figure eight can be distorted with arrival of children. And a man married just for immediate gain will surely have regrets when whatever the appeal begin to diminish.

Don’t marry someone you are not physically attracted or attractive to, it is the genesis of sexual disconnections in homes. Someone you don’t feel physically appealing to, you can’t have lasting sexual attraction to as well and when there is little or no sexual attraction, there can be no real family. There are homes where husbands and wives have gone six, nine months without sex, some have gone as far as a year and yet they lived under same roofs all those period. It all begin with disappointment in physical attractions in many cases. Sex is a major cognitive part of Christian marriage, it starts with being physically attractive to each other.

2. Maturity: This has nothing to do with age, gender and financial or parental background. Education might help but there are too many immature educated people out there. Maturity is your ability to handle situations correctly, timely and sensibly. Being wise and being educated don’t always mean the same thing. Mental, emotional and physical maturity compatibilities is important in marriage, no one has it all, we all have to make sacrifices to make our families better.

3. Sexual Compatibility: As already stated, sex is an integral part of Christian marriage. The Bible frown against sex prior to marriage but it does not forbid you talking about it and planning for it during courtship. We all have different orientation and stereotype ideas of what sex in marriage should be like and this idea differ from person to person. Don’t assume your partner share all your sentiments and feelings about sex, it is something you must talk about probably in an open place or during marriage counselling. No shame talking sex with the sole purpose of planning for the future family.

7. Compatibility in Accepting Children as God’s Gift (whichever gender God bless you with): This take us to another important thing people hardly talk about and that’s number of children we love to have as a family and contentment with whichever sex or gender God in His wisdom gives us as a family.

I have heard or got involved with families where the man wants more children or a particular sex and the woman felt they already have enough and vice versa. Take time to talk about this. Ask your partner questions like:

How many children are we planning for as a family?

If we have all male or all female children what happened?

Are we going to continue producing more till we have the desire gender?

God forbid, if there are no children, what happened?

As Christian couple who has the final say on children related issues, challenges and victories, our parents or God? Etc.

Please ask questions and talk on all these compatibilities issues, your partner will respect you for it. It simply mean you can be trusted and you know what you are doing, instead of using every meetings, visits and appointments to make romance that will eventually add zero values to the family you are trying to establish. Women are particularly important in making this to happen.

God loves His children when they planned for their lives and future in the light of His Word and purpose, instead of wasting away time with talks that add little or no grace to their relationships. Please take good note of all these compatibility in marriage, they are integral part of knowing God’s Will in marriage. More will still be said on knowing God’s Will and hearing God speak later.

Olumofin Kehinde Benjamin writes for Praying Parents Prayer Group Christian Ministry (3pG)