EXPLAINING PARENTING CAPACITY USING THE CAF STANDARDS ( Part 2)

In the first domain under CAF, we considered the impact of parenting capacity on a child’s development. This week, we will look into the second domain of CAF,- which is Child’s Developmental Needs

Child development means enduring changes that takes place overtime in physical, thought processes and behaviour of the child. 1 Cor. 13:11 says that “when I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I set aside child’s ways.” Research shows that if children are given appropriate parenting with support from others, they will grow in competencies, and confidence in the different areas of development.

The seven child’s developmental needs under CAF are: health, education, social/behavioural development, family/social relationships, identity, social presentation and self care skills. Having a good understanding of each of these areas of need will enable parents to strengthen the child’s needs that are already been met and also work on areas of unmet needs through prayers, home training, counselling etc

1. Health: This will include the physical growth and development as well as mental wellbeing of a child. For example, a child’s growth and development will be influenced by factors such as eating adequate nutrition, having enough sleep time suitable for each developmental stage and being able to receive appropriate health care when necessary. Moreover, to meet the health needs of older children, parents must provide appropriate advice and information on health issues, sex education based on biblical values and principles etc. This is very important because children with less health challenges exudes good sense of confidence and are more mentally prepared to face life challenges more than children who are not so privileged. Aside from taking great physical and medical cares to ensure good health, prayers of parents goes a long way to ensure sound health and eliminate possible noughty health challenges where found. In Christian homes, these two goes hand in hand and are complimentary of each other, not one without the other.

2. Education: Education sparks a child’s curiosity and increase cognitive skill which is ability to think and process information. Moreover, through formal and informal settings, children develops social relationship skills by learning to take turns, working as a team, developing language etc.
Although formal education is very important, for children to develop holistically, much teaching and learning must take place in the family home with parents and other relevant adults. May the Lord give our children wisdom, learning and skill in all literature even as He did for Daniel (Daniel 1:17). Amen!

3. Social and Behavioural Development: This will include a child’s ability to understand the feelings of others, control his or her own feelings and behaviours, get along with other children and build relationships with adults etc. Children will learn a lot from watching their parent’s interactions with other people to develop in this area. Children from peace loving homes tend to be more balance in their approach and relating with others, while those from crisis ridden homes tends to operate from either of two extremes, they either want to please others too much to seek approval and avoid conflicts or they tend to care less about how others feel because of many years of emotional abuse and neglects they had endured in their young lives. Research shows that parents who are authoritative, warm and emotionally available, placing reasonable demands on their children will get better behavioural outcomes from the children.

4. Family and Social Relationships: This days of parenting in absential, busy schedules, theneed to make ends meet and personal/relationship crises are denying a lot of parents quality times with their children. Toy and electronics are fast taken over the position of parents in many homes. To strengthen the family and help children to develop strong social relations, we must make time for family activities such as family devotions, church attendance, cooking, cleaning, family functions etc. These will enable children to develop family bond and social interactions skills.

5. Identity: A child’s identity is important because it is the way the child sees/feels about himself or herself. This will affect how the child behave in challenging situations. A positive sense of identity is crucial to the development of self-esteem and confidence. Nowadays, a lot of young people are experiencing identity crises; wanting to be like someone else. The girls trying hard to look more like boys and the boys tend to like to dress and make up in a feminine ways. Many young men and women are enduring the pains of surgery just to have some form of body lift and beauty therapy.

Young men and women are beginning to feel the more they altered their look, the more they stand to be appreciated and accepted by the society. There is a very big sense of emptiness in many young people that long to be satisfy in how people see and treat them. It is very crucial as Christian parents to remind our children that they are special to God and each of them are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14). Please note that David personalised this scripture for himself, he did not say ‘we are’ wonderfully and fearfully made but ‘I am’. Children must be taught to appreciate the fact that even though God created billions of people in the world, yet He gave each person his own looks, strengths and potential.

6. Social Presentation: These are skills which enable children to interact effectively with a range of peers and adult. Additionally, it includes children developing sense of appropriate dressing for different settings, good level of hygiene, ability to differentiate between safe and unsafe contacts in friendship and social media etc. Children social interaction is crises ridden more than ever before, more children are tending towards isolationism more and more as many now tends to prefer more screen time than more personal interactions with friends and family.

Video games, social media and lots of electronic self inflicted indoor times are robbing many of physical outdoor social interactions and this in many ways are responsible for increase in the rate of depression and suicide among young people, eapecially in those with close to zero christian background. Each family must have standards and godly values that guides their interactions. Parents must be particularly watchful and prayerful, in order to ensure that the children under their watch are guided by these values whether they are home or away.

7. Self care skills: Children needs to develop practical skills and ability to cope with routine such as washing, dressing, feeding, swallowing etc. For example, across many cultures, there is an expectation that a five year old child should have developed the ability to put on some of his/her clothing with supervision while a teenage child would also be expected to know how to cook basic food in their cultural setting.

Raising children who depend on household staff for everything, including things that supposed to be private and personal is preparing such for a long term disappointments in themselves and in others whose lives might be connected to theirs. There are basic things a child should be able to do for his/herself within certain age bracket, once that is missing, the child is already being gradually robbed of his/her selfworth and ability to take decent basic decisions in life. Parents should train children in developing self care skills that will prepare them to live independently in the nearest future regardless of whether there are house helps in homes. Prob. 22:6, “train up a child in the way He should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Parenting, especially the Christian type has never be for the lazy, but it is highly rewarding when done with purpose and a deep sense of responsibility. It is far better and easier training a child than moulding an adult. A stitch in time saves nine.

Olubunmi Afere writes for Praying Parents Prayer Group (3pG).