ASSUMPTION TAKEN TOO FAR

SCENE: Road Safety warning.

OUTCOME: The driver did not stop, the man did not run, both were sincerely wrong until the damage done (which could have been prevented).

CONCLUSION: The society lose a citizen, a man lost his life and the other carries the social stigma of being a careless driver and a killer for the rest of his life. At the end, all parties involved are losers, though the degree of lost varies but none ended up happier.

Now, let look at it from the family perspective.

1. SCENE: MAKING APOLOGY

HUSBAND: She suppose to know she’s wrong and apologise.
WIFE: He always think he is right but on this, he knows he is wrong and should apologise.

OUTCOME: Neither of the two ended up apologizing to the other and the feud lingered on than necessary.

CONCLUSION: No peace at home, joint responsibility of parenting are neglected, protective wall of the family begin to crack and if allowed to continue for long it will degenerate to bitterness and deep animosities that won’t heal easily even after the broken bridge has been mended.

2. SCENE: ROMANCE AND SEX

HUSBAND: I cant keep asking for it every time, let her too take the lead if indeed she loves me and wants me.
WIFE: He is the man, he should start it, I will wait till he takes the lead.

OUTCOME: Both wait forever in disbelief and even when one of them tried breaking the impasse, the waiting was already too long, emotional wounds has been created on all sides. The acts of love making may takes place afterward but neither is truly happy and none has learnt the lesson, so the scene will be repeated over and over again.

CONCLUSION: A brooding ground for infiltration of an unwanted third party has been created. Love making becomes seasonal, uninviting and even tiring with time. Some kind of emotional distance will start cooking up between the two, while transfer of emotions to some “good friends” outside the home will begin, most times with the opposite sex, even where sinful relationships did not spring up immediately, the other is technically losing the spouse to that “good friend”. It is a matter of time somebody will start complaining on everything. At the long run everybody wear sad faces, the children being the most hit, yet neither the man nor the wife will be able to trace the reason for their problem…..but the blame games will continue.

3. SCENE: CARING AND ASKING FOR EACH OTHERS WELFARE

HUSBAND: I’m always the one caring and asking about her, I listen when she talks and show interest in her welfare. I need someone to care for me too, at least let her show some interest in me and what I do.
WIFE: He cares only for himself, he rarely think about me, he thinks only about himself. I am the woman here and I need his attentions. He is a man, he will takes care of himself. He should not be selfish all the time.

OUTCOME: Both suffers in silence and bear emotional burdens alone while under same roof and the desire to be loved affectionately and listen to may end up being the weapons the enemy will use to punish their inconsistencies.

CONCLUSION: The need to be heard and show love is natural to man (male and female alike). It is natural to feel your spouse should show that he/she cares about you. Failure in this is to lose the very essence of marriage itself. Humans are social being, no one is self sustaining without the others. To assumed your partner is self sufficient or to think that you have cared overmuch for him/her already and need a break is to open the floodgate of worry and depression on your family without even knowing it.

LESSON: We see things differently and we make conclusions differently, mostly in our own favour, yet in many of them we may be sincerely wrong. If only we learn to see things from the other person’s perspective and from the their positions, many of our domestic challenges will melt off by themselves.

The 3 areas analysed above are just few examples among many. It may vary from home to home but for sure the same principle applies.

I pray God open our eyes to these things. Amen

• Group Admin, 3pG